I think you'll find the support you're looking for here at healingwell. I don't know where I'd be without this site.
I'm sorry you're having such a rough time with your husband. Alot of us here have had difficulty this fall, myself included.
Is it possible his doctor could be consulted? Perhaps they could add something to take the edge off his irritation.
You sound like you have a great deal of patience. Not all of us are lucky enough to have a spouse that goes above and beyond the norm to try and brave the storm with us. I hope things get better soon.
Take Care
Ellie
Sandra
BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs
My husband has been giving me some mixed responses on what his doctor has suggested with the light therapy. For quite some time he told me they didn't think it would help (which I questioned), recently he said they started suggesting to try it but HE doesn't think it will help. He has had an appointment with his doctor but unfortunately they had to reschedule to this coming Friday. I, at this point don't think it would hurt to try the light therapy. He said he he doesn't want to take an antidepressant this fall because he was able to make it through last fall without. I can respect this but don't think he realizes the impact this has on me & our 2 kids.
Sooblue
Regarding the lights, they do help me. A LOT. All I can say is when my brain is fooled in to thinking that it is bright and sunny outside, I feel more bright and sunny inside!! LOL I don't have any actual "SAD" lights, perhaps I will do that this year, but I do have very strong lights in one window where I spend a great deal of time. It works great in fooling me, so far. If I want to I can even have a "sunny day" in the middle of the night!! I do know also that flourescent lights are not good. There light has a negative effect. The only answer there is to get the "natural light" kind. That would help a little bit.
Hope to hear from you again soon,
Sandra
BP brings new meaning to Life's Little Ups and Downs
I'm going to try to suggest the light therapy again when he is in a more welcoming state. I do have to ask a question to anyone that can give me some input. Am I out of line to inform the doctor of times like this when I see such a change in his mood and behavior? I want to respect his privacy but at the same time I don't know if he is completely forthcoming in sharing things with the physician.
Sooblue
My kids are 6 & 8 and I think they both just at this point when he snaps at them think he is just in a bad mood like any other adult sometimes gets. Yet, in the past month or so my 8yr. old asked "why is dad so mad all the time?" That really hit home for me. Usually I try to subtly suggest when it's just he & I that he may not realize how harsh he sounded to a kid. Mind you this doesn't always work but after years of marriage counsling I think he knows that's the que for him to look at his actions. Although, after our 8yr. old asked that question recently I kind of went off on him about how I can be "the punching bag" but the kids are off limits (so much for years of counsling). I felt really bad after, but it made me so angry to see him hurt her like that. I try to remind myself that he would NEVER intentionally be hurtful to them, but like you said, I don't think he even realizes how he sounds.
After I got so angry with him I have noticed he seems a little more aware of his responses to them. I am very thankful that he has come as far as he has with acknowledging his behavior, I think thats why when we fall back into a rough time it makes it so frustrating because just when you think you have a handle on it, it rears its ugly head again! Sooblue
Hi, soooo blue,
I'm so sorry you have to go through this, I never know who I'm sorrier for, us or our families. I think it would defo have to be the family members. You can take what Nickie (kittycat) said about her dad and apply the same to me, I was his punching bag, and along with verbal and emotional abuse, he regularly beat me until I had welts with a leather strap. Sometimes I never knew WHAT I had done and was afraid of his coming home at night, fearing another beating for whatever reason. He still won't get treatment, but self medicates.
Anyhoo, my sob story over. about your hubby: He is depressed, which happens to all of us in the fall. Sometimes we get "mixed" states in which there is slight to full mania WITH depression at the same time (can you imagine), that's the absolute worst. But, he probably wont due to the lith. When is the last time he had his level checked????? It changes from time to time, esp with seasons, so get it checked, it may need an adjustment. He does need some kind of antidepressant, I recommend Lamictal, it is a stabilizer that keeps us from going low, and the lith can too, it just boosts it. Lamictal with Wellbutrin is the ultimate mix for BP depression, since our depression is much different than regular depression or clinical depression, it comes with massive fatigue, way worse than other people, can make us totally nonfunctional if bad enough. Please have him see his doc, this CAN be helped, I don't know of ANY BPs that take only one med. There are more than two facets of this disease and teh fact that it changes SOOOOOO often requires multiple meds. They have to be added when the needs arise, just like now with your husband. His mania may be controlled (if therapeutic level of lith), but depression has set in due to the season. (shorter days, lack of adequate sunlight IS the culprit). The light therapy is almost identical to sunlight and DOES work. Kittycat is right about overhead or flourescent lighting, instant bad mood; they only hurt. Just lamps wont help. I suggest putting Reveal bulbs in all lamps, and they have something called Vitalights for flourescent lighting which makes a big difference, but doesn't work like light therapy. Just helps, sometimes a lot. I can totally tell the difference with Reveal bulbs. That is why many of us prefer the dark in rooms we can still see just fine, but no "bad" lighting to darken the mood. We are SOOOO sensitive in all 5 senses, people wouldn't believe or understand that.
As far as talking to his doc, I believe it won't do much good, he won't be able to talk to you because it is illegal and medically unethical for him to, and if he brings up the fact he has talked to you or even listened, it will cause anger in your husband. Respect his privacy and just keep driving home the fact that he is damaging his children, that will probably do it after a bit of time.
I hope this helps, if I can answer anymore, just ask.
Shannon1
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Lol, Nick, defo having a blonde moment! 
If he gives the docs office a written consent for his wife to personally talk to the doc, or if he agrees to let her come with him to his appointment(s) it's ok, but must be in writing in his chart. Otherwise, no way Jose!
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Just an update. Thanks to your advice my husband & I had some good talks. He had an appointment with his pdoc and they are checking his lithium level (it was last checked in the spring), the plan is to possibly increase the dose pending on what his results show and to see his doc more frequently for a while. He also changed our light bulbs to the Reveal ones & increase their wattage! He agreed that it couldn't hurt. He thought that SAD was just about not liking the fall or winter time because the lighting issue, so he talked a bit more about it & has a better understanding of it.
As for the patient confidentiality thing, i used to go with him to his appointments but haven't in a long time for a couple of reasons. One, he was doing quite well and there really wasn't a need & two, I wanted to give him the respect and privacy of taking care of his own illness. But with all that has been happening recently I didn't know if I should start going with again. Sorry if I was unclear in the question.
Sincerely, Sooblue