New Here

Diseases & Conditions Depression
1

So here is my story.  about 3 months ago me and my girlfriend of 4 years broke up.  I was the one who initiated the breakup, but after talking it out with her it kinda became mutual.  about 2 weeks after the breakup (maybe sooner) I started to learn that she had been doing some pretty bad things (sexually, emotionally, physically).  Since I learned this I have been having severe episodes of depression.  Things have gone better lately for her (as far as I know), so I havent had as much trouble, but I still have many episodes.  But I had multiple nights where I would just spend the entire night throwing up because of what I learned.

 

For about 2 more weeks I was having alot of stomach problems.  I constantly felt sick and usually felt like I was going to vomit even though I never would.  I went to the doctor and we talked about all that was going on.  He actually did a CT scan of my stomach and other organs down there to see if anything was going on.  So this led to the conclusion that the depressive state I am/was in was the cause of the problem.  He put me on 150mg of Wellbutrin XL per day.  This helped the stomach problems greatly, but I still had many issues within my head.  I was bumped up to 300mg about 2 weeks ago (everything I am talking about seems to be in 2s), but didnt stay on that very long.  I was constantly getting dizzy and sick to my stomach.  All the time I felt light-headed.  So my doc decided to move back to 150mg of the XL and put me on 75mg of the regular Wellbutrin.  I am also seeing a counselor.  I have been to 2 sessions and have my 3rd on Thursday. 

 

While everything has been little help here and there I still find myself having lots of trouble getting motivated to do stuff.  Even the simplest of tasks seem impossible to me.  Is there anything I can read or do that might help me with this?  I am willing to learn as much as I can, but I get very frustrated with all the junk that is one the internet when I search.  I am always looking for new people to talk to (I am very friendly, but recently have trouble talking to people).  I get very lonely and feel so isolated sometimes.  Any help or information yall can give me would be greatly appreciated.

 
Thank you
-Kyle-
 
Also, sorry for the length.  I guess once things start flowing they just dont stop.
2
Hey Kyle, Welcome to Healing Well forum.  Glad to have you.  I am sorry about your girlfriend.  So you were ok with the breakup until you found out what she was up to?  I am not so sure that I understand what you are trying to say.  But anyway... I can see you have some feelings of depression or loss over a relationship that you had for that length of time.  However, it sounds as if she betrayed you and that relationship which is not something that you should put alot of time into mouring that loss.  In my opinion.  I sounds as if your depression maybe a situational depression and will be tempary......

~elisha

3
I do believe that it is temporary, but that doesnt make it any easier for me. I was/am upset over the loss, but I was dealing with it much better than I have since learning that she is hurting or has hurt herself.

I dont doubt that the move to breakup was the correct one. In fact I think it should have been done long before I did it. Probably would have been easier then.

I dont really know what else to say here, I feel like I should say more but nothing seems to be coming. Sorry.
4
Kyle,  I understand perfectly well as I am sure that a lot of people here too will how hard it is when you feel the loss of a long term relationship.  You may know in your head that it was the right thing to do and wish that you had done it sooner but it doesnt change things as they are now.  I guess you are having feeling of guilt because your ex is hurting herself over the break-up?  And this is making you have increased feelings of depression?  You cant take responsiblity for her actions.  You can still be a good friend to her and incourage her to get help for whatever it is she maybe doing.  However, if it is going to have a negative inpact on you and your health than it is probley best that you cut your ties. 
I am sorry if this sounds harsh that is not my intension.  My ex-husband and I were together for 7 years before we got married, were married for almost 5 yrs.  We had alot of anger towards each other and him for me mostly.  He was sucidial when I left which I didnt know and he had a rough couple of months following this.  We have managed to become friends e-mail each other, talk on the phone and go out once in a while.  Of course I know that this is not typical, but you have to find what is best for you.  I hope that you are able to find it.......... 

~elisha

5
Dont worry about sounding harsh. Everyone I know, including my counselor, has told me to cut off contact completely. It is just so hard to do.

Ive tried to move on as much as possible. I am even seeing someone new (partially the reason I finally decided to end the relationship). Went out of town with her (new girl) this weekend and had a great time. Had 1 rough night, but I was fairly able to control it. Things have gotten better since getting on meds and seeking help, but there are still those nights when I have horrible horrible thoughts. I guess what really upsets me is that I am not that type of person. I have always been stronger than that and have even been the person to help others with these same issues.

The feeling of guilt is the one that overwhelms me whenever I do get into these depressive states. I tell myself its not my fault and there isnt anything I can do, but it doesnt seem to help. This just seems to be such a hard issue to overcome, I am glad that I found a place where I can just lay it out and say what is going on. That helps me greatly as I am a very verbal person and need to get things off my chest (or heart in this case).
 
Its been especially rough this year because it is compounded with these feelings of being totally overwhelmed by school (last semester of college) and my questionable future.  On a positive note, I bought a new fishtank this weekend so I have something to distract me from all of this when I have time to work on it.

Thanks again for replying. It really helps just to have someone reply.

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 5/11/2006 10:46:03 AM (GMT-6)

6

I am glad that posting has helped.  Congrats on your new fish tank.  I have a beta fish so not to much work there except keeping my cat Normandy away from the fish bowl.  tongue I hope to see you around the forum again.....

~elisha