New relationship with T1

barbara108 · May 3, 2006, 7:35am

I'm new to the forum and would like to get your feedback.

I recently started dating a guy that has T1. When we first hooked up I had no idea of his condition, then gradually he started to tell me about being diabetic and that he's on full insulin. I learned that he was only diagnosed 2 years ago, and that the doctors at the time told him if he didn't get it under control he would be dead by 35.

Our relationship is unique because we live in separate cities (Me in USA, He in Canada). We work for the same company and travel for business. We only see each other periodically and when opportunity permits.

The last trip we took together was really an eye opener. He had no choice but to give himself shots in front of me, while the other times he was able to take them without my knowledge. I noticed a certain amount of reluctance on his part while he took the shot, almost as if he expected me to shy away or be repulsed. I tried to be as reassuring as possible so I looked away to give him more privacy.

I'm not knowledgable at all with diabetes, however, upon arriving home, I looked up symptoms and causes, etc., to get a better understanding. I want to know more to support him, but don't want to overstep my bounds.

Since then, we haven't been able to meet up, but will at the end of the month. So I really would like to know from the group what is the best way to handle myself so that he feels comfortable. From conversation, I get the sense that he's still coming to terms with it himself. He hates taking the shots, doesn't eat at regular times, and can't handle stress effectively.

A friend suggested I get some syringes and practice on an orange just in case I had to give him the shot. Of course I think I should talk to him first about that so to give him a comfort level.

Other questions I have are:

Do you often get sick or feel over tired?

What is the best snacks to keep on hand?

Should I ask him to show me how to give him the shot? Would this be presumptuous at such an early stage of our relationship?

What do I do to build his trust? I'm interested in the long haul and not a passing thing.

There will probably be other questions, but for now this would be a good start.

Jeannie143 · May 3, 2006, 5:20pm

Babs,
Wow! I would think that you must be a very kind person to be so understanding. If your friend follows his program he should be just like most everyone else, able to eat most things within reason and moderation and able to participate in regular daily activities.

snacks: I'd keep a variety of nuts and cheeses on hand since these really help with the hunger thing and don't raise blood sugar much. Diet sodas and flavored no-cal waters relieve him of the need to count and adjust insulin. For emergencies he should be carrying some type of easily absorbed sugar in case he needs it for low blood sugar.

As far as the rest of your questions.. I'd sit down with him and tell him that because you are friends you would like to be able to better understand his diabetes in case you can ever be of assistance. Explain it as a friendly-help type thing not as a morbid curiosity. He's probably not the only person you know with this disease and you can ask him to help you understand so you can be there for the others in your life, too. If he seem reluctant to talk about it give him time. It takes a while to get your head around this thing and for some peeps explaining it to others helps while to others it feels like more stress.

Be accepting, become educated and above all do not become the 'FOOD POLICE' questioning his choices of food or drink. That will drive most any diabetic up the wall. Try to pace the relationship to his mood and see what develops. If you show gentle interest and don't look away the next time he has to inject he'll see that you aren't repulsed by the whole thing and may open up more.

Good luck with this, and read back in the posts by the T1 peeps for more good advice.

~ Jeannie

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."

- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Sunday · May 4, 2006, 10:21pm

In addition to Jeannie's helpful pointers:

How old is he? He actually may very well be the only person you know who has Type 1, and he may be considered juvenile-onset if he's under 25 (his legal drinking age has nothing to do with the diagnosis, LOL).

Type 1s don't usually need help taking their insulin shots. You don't give insulin shots in an emergency setting. You give glucose because of LOW blood sugar in 9.999 out of 10 emergencies involving a T1 diabetic. It's a common misperception that T1s need insulin shots when they pass out. It's almost always the opposite: it's hypOglycemia, (low blood sugar) not hypErglycemia (high blood sugar). If insulin is the answer, it means the diabetic has a blood sugar so high as to become comatose and they will more than likely already be hospitalized from severe dehydration/ketoacidosis before they loose consciousness.

It's low blood sugar that can cause a T1 to loose conciousness, in which case, if he's unable to treat it himself, you might help him ingest some carbs -- get him a snack if he's exhibiting signs of confusion which is a common symptom of insulin shock. Glucogan is an injectable emergency treatment that requires some training (not much, but familiarity with it is recommended). I personally would not want a "date" to ask if I wanted help with glucogon until the relationship was very serious and quite established. It's a spouse, parent sort of thing, IMHO. (Your friend's mileage may vary). If he can't be helped with food or drink, it's best to call 911.

You've asked good, sensitive questions. But try to put this stuff on the back burner until you explore your feelings as you would with any other romantic prospect. He deserves to be given the benefit of the doubt that he is taking care of himself. If you find that isn't the case, then you have other issues to consider.

Hope this helps.

barbara108 · May 7, 2006, 9:33pm

Thanks to you both for the tips. I didn't understand the difference with the insulin and glucogan, but after your message I did a little more research. This has helped to put things in perspective also in that right now he needs support in another way. I suppose in the quest to understand and help someone you can become too much of a mother and not enough of a girlfriend. Perhaps right now he needs the distraction away from his troubles, not an addition to them.

Thanks again. Babs