I've been off the board for quite a while, again. (And I'm mildly distressed to discover a new emoticon has been added that is a skull and cross bones...what's up with that?!)
So, here's the thing: I still have not called the ps to schedule my nipple creation and it's been a while. I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. I mean, I do plan on doing it.
But I am trying to psychoanalyze myself and see if I am putting it off due to:
a) too stressful to deal with yet another breast sugery and they have to twist the skin to create the nipple, which gives me the willies just thinking about it?
b) if I have it done then I won't have any glaring obvious sign on my chest, which in some weird way is like a "badge of courage" ?
c) if I have it done then I would be "finished" with this whole ordeal and maybe something weird inside fears that?
Only "a" is a logical reason, I realize.
Did anyone else go through any crazy thoughts like these?
LOL I vote for D All of the above. I'm not sure what the skull and crossbones means. Warning poison? So where have you been? Having a good time I hope and enjoying life? Hugs MK
If anyone tells you they don't have those kinds of feelings at one time or another, they're not telling the truth (as in telling a lie). I was told that additional surgery would fix those horrible scars on my back and I consider it now and then. Whether or not I had that done, I would always feel upset just considering another surgery. I just don't think that a time ever comes when you're "done".
This month marks my 9 year/5 year anniversaries. I will be having my yearly scans done on Thursday. I will be an emotional wreck until I hear from the onc with all the results. What you are feeling is so very normal that it is scary. If you're afraid that this surgery would mark the end of the road, it won't. We're all caught up on this yellow brick road waiting for Oz to give us a cure.
There will be a problem, however, if you continue to be absent from the board. We have a special board police department and you don't want them to come looking for you.
Twist the skin? Not only haven't I ever heard of that, and have had bilateral mastectomies, my missing parts are still scrunching up at the thought of that. Is this what they do if you have a tattoo?
Missed the twist question. My daughter had a pursestring suture to make her nipple which would be somewhat the same as a twist. I never bothered with nipple recon because I didn't want that thing showing through my clothes. Too old for a statement? LOL You are ok there Erin, don't let Jo-Ann send out the board police on you. LOL. Hugs Mk
Board police...HA! I am right up I-75 from you, Erin, and I will come and find you! OK, not really, but we sure hope you come around more often.
My psych degrees actually hang on my wall, but they are dusty from working in administration for so long....
But I think you are right on, and probably a little of each option is weighing you down Just like chemo ending,...we are supposed to be so excited but there is a fear, a let down, a vulnerability, that only we understand.
Maybe you are content without nipples? Not everyone gets them and maybe you are ok with your new breasts just how they are....no one says you have to get nips, so what the heck? Maybe sans nipples is the way to go for you...
So glad to see your post. I too have pondered the nipple twist many times, but on March 4th I will have my permenant implant replaced, internal scar tissue cut, a nip and a tuck on the ends of the external scar and then, yep, I am going to do it, have the nipple twist and the tatoo to finally put an end to the surgery part of my breast cancer experience. No more decisions to be made, just keep looking forward to the next anniversary.
So good to hear from you. Right now I'm just thinking I'm glad I had a lumpectomy. I'm a bit lopsided, but I'm OK with that. I know you'll make the right choice. Hang in there, Sweetie. Let us know what you decide, and stay in touch.
Erin, Whoooo I know what you mean! It's been four years and I am still a perdidle! (one headlight) My doc used to fuss at me for not getting a nipple, but I just didn't want anymore surgery. I am fine with that choice, but I think I am older than you. You will figure it out in your own good time. Good to see you back on the board.
L&H Sara
Sara Dearing
Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present!
I'm recovering from my first reconstructive surgery - tissue expanders. I will have the second surgery in March or April. I, too, can't decide about the nipple thing. The first time I had cancer on the left side, I never did the nipple. I may this time and may not. I don't want any more surgeries than necessary, as you. Also, the only thing nipples ever did for me were stick out when I was cold. HA HA I figure this way that won't happen.
I guess we'll both decide in our own way and in our own time.
To nipple or Not to nipple - that is the question!
Teresa King
Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I can't voice an opinion because I am not in that spot and can only imagine how I'd feel. I'd really really really want a nipple, but that's me.
I do, however totally relate with reasons two and three, the illogical ones. I need to tell you about my voice experience with the hypnosis. When I had had my seventh operation, it still was dysphonic, and the therapists had decided that maybe I wasn't "letting" myself have a voice (please note we didn't bother to ask the surgeon)
I went to a psychoanalytic hypnotherapist. It was an awesome experience!!!!! It opened up a channel to my deep feelings, while creating a safe environment for me to access them in. Until then, we had thought that maybe having a true voice was a signal that I could drink again, that everything was fine, let's forget it and go back to the way it was before. That's what I expected to find out about how I felt.
I discovered that I had a different reason for keeping the bad voice. For me it was proof that I had changed from the type of person I was before the accident. If I didn't have this voice, my changes I had made wouldn't be real. A really different emphasis. Mind you, the dysphonia was permanent, and physiological. I wasn't preventing a better voice, but I learned something I never would have known otherwize.
That you twisted it around to reasons two and three is very insightful. they may or may not be reasons for you, but keep twisting the reasons, and you'll explore what you feel.
All that aside, when you're ready, Erin, you'll figure out what you want. I'm not telling you anything you don't know. You're upset that you're not doing what you think you should be doing, right? shove shoulds. I bet DH is just supportive as all you know what, isn't he? Mine is such a guy sometimes. Yours seemed to really have substance in the supportive venue.
Oh, I could go on and on. Email me and we'll talk.
As for the degree......two weeks!!!!!
"Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall." -Confucius
I never had reconstruction so I really can't help you with your decision. But I can send you some special hugs to help you make your mind up. {{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}
Best of luck with your decision. I know that you will know when the right time is.....follow your instincts sweetie.
Hugs and Love, Debbie ^j^ ^j^
PS.How is that ornery husband of yours doing? We think of you guys often.........if ever you come down this way.....stop in!
"What sweetness is left in life if you take away friendship? It is like robbing the world of the sun"
Cicero
Post Edited (cupycake2) : 1/12/2005 9:04:16 PM (GMT-7)
Dear Erin...No psych degree here...maybe a degree or two towards "psycho," but I don't think that counts! Anyway, I was not thrilled with the whole concept of the nipple reconstruction, either, but I went ahead and did it, because after all the other cutting and hacking and moving and whacking and nipping and tucking and god-only-knows-what-else they did while I was under....I figured I may as well. I had nipple sharing, which means that they cut and hacked and moved and whacked and nipped and tucked the "good" side while they were "nippling" the reconstruction.
All in all, it was not a big deal. Watched the whole procedure, went home and got myself ready to go help a friend say goodbye to her husband, who was 24and had leukemia. The next day I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for like 20 people. I was just thankful to be alive. Back to the nipple thing, though, I can't say it made me feel good, bad, or indifferent about how I looked or how I felt about "cancer." I see the scars every day. The only thing good about reconstruction, as far as I'm concerned, is I wear the same bras and I don't have to worry about anything floating away in the pool! Back then, I would have just as soon had them both off, but back then, they "didn't do that." Today...well, I'd still just as soon have them both off, not have to worry about a bra, and not have to worry about anything floating away in the pool!
I hate the frggin' disease of "cancer."
And I hate to tell you, but you are never "done" with this disease. Be ever vigilant.
I was just sitting in bed reading when there was a loud knocking at my front door....it was the board police with a summons!!
Well, I did have to bribe them (it seems that chocolate is their weakness) but they wouldn't leave until I got onto the board.
(And for those of you who sent cards, I really DID mean to reply by mail, but, uh, gee, my pencil broke....the dog ate it...and the sun was in my eyes! Reminds me of John Belushi's lines in the Blues Brothers)
I like the name of "nipple twist." Can we make that a new mixed drink at our next gathering? "I'll take mine straight up with a twist!" LOL!
Funny, my sister used to threaten me with something like that (the infamous titty twister) but I never expected my plastic surgeon would!
Maybe I'll just let you go first, Candy, and you can tell me how bad it really is (yes, that's me cowering in the corner).
Greg, of course, has all kinds of clever sayings about it. You've heard of musical groups who only had one chart-topper as being "one hit wonders"....well, you can imagine what he calls me!
OK, I will try to be more up-to -date with the board. Thank you for your responses!
