I am so full of questions today. I am trying to be as informed as possible so when I go back to my pyschologist and then go and try out this new pyschiatrist for meds. I will be able to stand my ground and be informed so they can’t just put me on meds. that will make me become a diabetic or get fat again...Being a recovering bulemic and now insulin resistant w/ screwed up metab. due to Zyprexa...I am scared to death to try any new medications. I don’t know if I am justified in these fears or if I am going overboard and becoming distrusting and paranoid of all doctors.... how do you know when you have gone over the top with your concerns...
Another question–how do you know for sure if you are BP II I mean, what if the meds. I am on are actually what is making me feel crazy. I am taking 2 SSRI’s Lexapro and Effexor,,,,how do I know that I need meds at all—what if I don’t need them at all and that in fact is what is making me so moody and unstable?????? Is that a rational thought or am I reaching?
Nex question–how do you know if you are BP II for sure–how do you know if you have PTSD–yea, 4 days b/f my highschool graduation, my mom came to tell me my boyfriend was dead b/c a tractor flipped over on him—yeah, I have been screwed up ever since—but who wouldn’t be–actually I ma doing much better than I have in a long time...........it has been 10 years, I have been married for a little over a year and am doing ok—do I live in fear that my husband will be taken from me–yes, but I try not to think about it.... I have a screwed up dysfunctional family–what if the cards life has dealt me is the reason for my mooddiness nad not some disorder that needs meds... what if this is just real life and I just need to suck it up and deal with it like other people—what makes me different, what makes me need medication...It is like I have tried to figure it out and read and be knowledgeable for so long that I odn’t know what is really happening to me and what I just think is happening b/c I read about it....This may sound crazy to you guys, but it definitely sounds crazy to friends and family who don’t understand anything about BP II so please give me some suggestions, answers, etc......WHat about paranoia–I have always been freaked out about standing in front of windows at night b/c I can just imagine someone’s face popping up–is that just a normal “girl” response–I now live in the country and my husband works at night–most of thetime I am a little nervouse(which seems normal to me) but the other night, I was scared to get off the couch and was tip toeing around b/c I felt like people were watching me or could see me through my windows...was scared to let the dogs out the back b/c I was afraid someone was waiting for me outside the door. (AFter I turned on all lights and looked out, my babies did get to go outside though..VIEW IMAGE I didn’t want to turn on the bathroom light b/c I was afraid someone could see in our b/r window–which is htat thick, blurry glass made for bathrooms.........It was just like I knew someone was out there—is that normal–just too many scary movies? WHAT IS THIS? OCD–I can choose, bite, pick at my nails until they bleed—wanting to cut off all my cuticles or wanting to make sure all the dead skin on my finger and toe nails is gone and even.
God–as I write this, I think I do sound crazy as hell.......but is this stuff just normal and I have made it a big deal in my mind...Everyone picks at their nails and toes......Lots of people get scared at night, and everyone’s family is dysfunctional in one way or another....so is THIS just normal and think something is wrong? Is this just life and I have had a fairy tale image of what life is supposed to be..................what is wrong with me???? How do we know what is wrong with any of us and what normal really is?? HELP!! These questions are driving me CRAZY!
omg, that sounds so much like me. Normal, I don't know. I don't even know what normal is but I'm pretty sure i'm not it. As for faces popping up in the dark outside the window. I do the very same thing. I'm not really afraid of outside though, sometimes I walk my dog in a big dark field in the wee hours of the morning.
I think alot of us have some OCD issues as well.
Hang in there and make sure you tell your doc everything.
Praying for you
Ellie
I think alot of us have some OCD issues as well.
Hang in there and make sure you tell your doc everything.
Praying for you
Ellie
THANKS FOR YOUR PRAYERS. I NEED THEM.....I AM TRYING TO WORK THROUGH SOME THINGS WITH MY FAMILY RIGHT NOW AS WELL---EXPRESSING MY FEELINGS/CONCERNS, ETC. IS VERY HARD FOR ME B/C I AM SO MUCH OF AN APPROVAL ADDICT....AND I AM about TO BE 29--JUST PLAIN CRAZY...I DON'TKNOW IF IT IS DENIAL OR WHAT BUT I AM TRYING SO HARD TO MAKE THIS ANYTHING BUT BIPOLAR--I DON'T KNOW WHY IT BOTHERS ME....I KEEP THINKING, MAYBE IF I CONTINUE TO JOURNAL AND GO TO THERAPY AND CONFRONT MY PARENTS, ALL OF THIS WILL GO AWAY AND I WON'T NEED MEDS......I HAVE HAD ALL MY BLOOD WORK DONE HOPING FOR A MINOR HORMONAL IMBALANCE THAT COULD BE FIXED...ANYTHING BUT BIPOLAR--I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THAT THIS IS WHAT I HAVE TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE REST OF MY LIFE---NOT ONLY THAT, I REALLY WANT TO HAVE A BABY AND MY HUSBAND DOESN'T WANT TO DO THAT UNTIL I HAVE MY ISSUES UNDER CONTROL--I KNOW HE IS RIGHT, BUT IN MY HEAD SOMETIMES, I THINK,,,,,WELL IF I HAD A BABY, HE /SHE WOULD KEEP ME SO OCCUPIED I WOULDN'T HAVE TIME TO DEAL WITH ME.....IT WOULD BE about THE BABY AND BEING A GOOD MOM......IN MY "FANTASY" WORLD, THE PROBLEMS WOULD JUST DISAPPEAR B/C I HAD SOMETHING TO FOCUS ON.....ALL I KNOW IS THAT I AM A TEACHER AND WHEN I AM TEACHING AND TAKING CARE OF THOSE BABIES, I CAN DEAL A LOT BETTER WITH MYSELF....
Having a baby will only compound you problems. Not that it can never happen. Certainly don't lose hope, but now may not be the time.
I also did all the blood work hoping for a thyroid problem (had been an issue in the past) to no avail.
good luck
Ellie
I also did all the blood work hoping for a thyroid problem (had been an issue in the past) to no avail.
good luck
Ellie
Defo agree with Elllie on the baby issue. Until you find yourself stabilizing your moods via meds I would discourage the baby issue. It is sooooooooooo stressful with everything else that goes on. I don't mean get " stable", before you have a child, I just mean get to recognize your different moods, like hypo , mania , and depresed.... if you know when there about to happen that's a good sign, took me about 6months to figure that out, recognizing them and all. Another thing youare on SSRI and an SNRI a little different, but I wouldn't take either. Been on both , very dangerous for me, made me more paranoid , anxious, had more visions and hearing things.... They are great for depression only. That's my very strong opinion on them. Although not all BP's are alike, some people who are more depressed , well maybe they help, but I don not agree. about knowing what youare and what your not, have ya been dx... if so take a look at our charts posted that you must have this many of hypo and at least x amount of mania episodes. That sums it up, but only a pdoc or doc , can dx you. If they do so in a 15 minutes session, find another one. Usually Bipolar people need to be on a mood stabilizer and a anti-d, to remain stable or at least try to get there.It's like a balance we need. Everyone goes their periods of denial, that is normal, especially when we have ben this way all our life. We think it's normal, because we don't know any different.Do normal people you know react the same way to situations. Normally not. I don't mean exactly the same way , but kinda. Does your hubby, mine does not defiantely. He's passive, reserved, polite, calm and hardly says a word. never overeacts, and works through stress calmly. Wow, that's not even close to me, I almost panic and cry alot.i can tell you that i have PTSD , due to a near death experience from a boyfriend, yikes and he was supposedly normal . Anyways,that was 3 yrs. ago. i got dx shortly after, cause I went in all freaked out .Google it, it tells you how long people genuinely deal with problems and what are the effecta of PTSD. I still have it. Nightmares are horrendous.Trust me , I have been through alot for my age, and dealt with alot, but not that. Although I should of had extensive counseling.It was serious!Of course family and friends think it's weird, they don't undrstand things that they normally can't se. Plus there' not alot of people educated on it,not there fault , there just not aware it exists,and if they do, they think it's crazy people, and do not put you in that category. Make sense? Ahhhhh..... the paranoia, and I thought I was the only person that did that to the extreme. Ha not laughing at you, just suprised someone else does exactly what i do. Do you double the check the locks to make sure you locked them even though you know you did. And they are locked.I have that same paranoia, which ultimately has the opportunity to make myself have a panic attack. ugh.... A good thing to do is ask friends what they do in certain situations. I have always thought I was a little different, but playing sports and doing cheerleading , I thought so I am just a little unique no big deal. My frienda will be at my house and ask me , why I am checking the door you just cheked it? It's not normal unless you are paranoid. i can se if soemthing has happened in your life to cause you to be alittle paranoid, but usually you get better with time. Take some tests online, ther's some on here too. Think about it, what do you think. Do you think you have anything in commom with us Bipolars? Listen it's scary at first I understand, people will shun you too, and tell you it's all in your head. They don't know, it's ignorance. Also I went to church until people started to tell me things that were down right rude. Meds can help you get stable, and someone higher than me must think I can handle it. It 'r rough , but everyday I tell myself it's gonna be a good day, whether or not it is, well I started it off that way. I hope this helps and calms you a little. I am not great with advice , just with my own experiences. i am no doc, don't wanna be either, but I help people everyday. I am not just Bipolar, I am a mother, a surgical technologist, a sister, a daughter, a aunt, ...... you get the idea. Make it more than what it is. You will be fine , educcate yourself as much as possible about it. Also read An Unquiet Mind, by Kay Jameson. I have not read it yet, due to school readings, but i headr it's great. Good luck and take care. I really hope I shed some light for you. I am glad someone on here did for me when I first started, Thanks a bunch Shannon. Sahnnon 2 and Dana.
Hi, Sand S,
I will try to answer your questions, ok?
First, you need to get off both of your SSRIs and find out if they are making you manic, paranoid, etc. or if they are causing it. Two of them together could frankly cause BP symptoms in a non BP. Defo the wrong way to go, even if you are a depressed BP. You CANNOT get an accurate dx being hopped up on them.
Yes, you are being smart for seeing a pdoc. I hope he doesn't dx you on the spot as Nickie said, considering the meds. He should be asking lots of questions, as BP can be confused with borderline personality, ADD, PSTD, and schitzophrenia very often. It's hard to dx accurately, if it is not, then treatment will be wrong. For instance, if they dx you ADHD, then the treatment is prescription amphetamines! Can you imagine!!!!!!!
The things you mention can exist in OCD, schitzophrenia and anxiety to name a couple of possibilities. (The picking and paranoia).
I have all those things myself, they also very often come with BP, usually a whole laundry list of disorders go with it. There is a personality test you can take online that will help you understand what you MAY be dealing with, always talk to your doc about HIS opinion of your idiosyncrities, tho. Unfortunately, meds won't clean all those things up, you need counseling for most of them. But they will help for sure.
Most of us have dysfunctional families with some sort of abuse. But it IS a physical illness. Most of us were weird kids, didn't fit in because we were different even as children, and most adults just thought we were "bad" therefore needing stronger and stronger "discipline". Both my parents emotionally abused me and beat me on a regular basis. That CERTAINLY didn't help me become a healthy, confident well rounded person. It damaged me beyond belief on top of having BP. Thanks mom and dad, I sure appreciate that. And yes I have confronted them, all they say is "we did the best we knew how, you were out of control". What a cop out. 
It's very normal to be in denial with a dx of BP. In fact, strange if you aren't. It's a horrible thing to face that you are "seriously mentally ill" in the same category as schitzophrenia. And, to top it off, know you will have it the rest of your life, only for it to become worse with time. Luckily they are making better and better meds now, and will continue to do so, so think of that if you are dx BP.
I'm sure you have read the list of mania sx over and over. I will copy/past the list again, in case you haven't.
Have you ever really damaged your life with any fo these sx? I can't remember, didn't you say you bounced checks or something?? Usually by your age, you have done something relatively damaging, even if it's just losing jobs due to your mouth, lol!
here's the list;
What Are the Symptoms of Bipolar Disorder?
Bipolar disorder causes dramatic mood swings—from overly "high" and/or irritable to sad and hopeless, and then back again, often with periods of normal mood in between. Severe changes in energy and behavior go along with these changes in mood. The periods of highs and lows are called episodes of mania and depression.
Signs and symptoms of mania (or a manic episode) include:
- Increased energy, activity, and restlessness
- Excessively "high," overly good, euphoric mood
- Extreme irritability
- Racing thoughts and talking very fast, jumping from one idea to another
- Distractibility, can't concentrate well
- Little sleep needed
- Unrealistic beliefs in one's abilities and powers
- Poor judgment
- Spending sprees
- A lasting period of behavior that is different from usual
- Increased sexual drive
- Abuse of drugs, particularly cocaine, alcohol, and sleeping medications
- Provocative, intrusive, or aggressive behavior
- Denial that anything is wrong
A manic episode is diagnosed if elevated mood occurs with three or more of the other symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for 1 week or longer. If the mood is irritable, four additional symptoms must be present.
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Thanks for the advice! Yes, I can definitely relate to the list..........................I had a REALLY hard time this summer b/c I didn't have a job. I am a school teacher and always do better when I have something to focus on. So now that school has started, as long as I am there with something to keep me going, I am fine................now some days I am so full of energy and so excited and just all over the place---just make spontaneous decisions to change lesson plans, do creative activities,--I talk really fast, jump from one thing to the next, have a hard time focusing and slowing down to stay focused...........these days only happen from time to time, but honestly, I like it then...b/c I finally feel some happy emotion...some excitement...but then after a few hours I am exhausted and just kind of numb....by the afternoon tired and irritable and just ready to get the hell out of there.....................ready to have a drink or a smoke......................just something to relax me and just chill me out....That was how it was Friday......But I have been struggling with depression for most of the week..........Friday was just a burst of new energy..............Thursday night before,,,I had gone to bed at 5:30 and slept allnight..............just have no motivation or energy............I want to come off my Effexor and Lexapro for sure---but my husband wants me to wait until I have met with the pdoc. so I can come off of it correctly...I know he is right--but part of me just wants to come off--I know the drill, slowly come off--every day, every other day, every two days--blah blah..... I am not going to do that though.
I am NOT taking any meds. from anyone if I don't feel like they are listening and hearing me....I have my paper work showing all my blood work and thyroid tests, I have personality tests that my pyschologist has done and I am going to take copies of all this to this pdoc. and then I am going to ask my pyschologist whom I trust will shoot it to me straight--to let me knwo what his reccommendations are........Personally, I would like to try coming off all meds and see what happens b/f I just try and put myself on something else. The pdoc. in Georgia was swapping one to another, but never allowed my system to be rid of all meds before starting something new......................I just want to see what I feel without any meds in my body.....
I am NOT taking any meds. from anyone if I don't feel like they are listening and hearing me....I have my paper work showing all my blood work and thyroid tests, I have personality tests that my pyschologist has done and I am going to take copies of all this to this pdoc. and then I am going to ask my pyschologist whom I trust will shoot it to me straight--to let me knwo what his reccommendations are........Personally, I would like to try coming off all meds and see what happens b/f I just try and put myself on something else. The pdoc. in Georgia was swapping one to another, but never allowed my system to be rid of all meds before starting something new......................I just want to see what I feel without any meds in my body.....
I understand exactly how you feel, Sassie, but do NOT repeat do NOT take yourself off those! You cannot skip a day with these, you will have mighty uncomfortable withdrawl if you do. Let the pdoc do his job, ok?
yeah, they are defo not good for you, I'm sure your new pdoc will start weaning you off pronto.
Your hubby sounds like a really intelligent guy!
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Ultimately it is your decision, i want straight off the effexor although that was the doc's advice. I think your right about starting new med, you will the know how you feel. I think. I can't be without meds I tried because I kept saying I am not one of those people, I laugh now. It's funny to me. It's also funny when my mom says I feel like I am going nuts in front of me, then she will say oh Nickie I am sorry. I say come on mom..... Take care and good luck . I hope it all works out for you. Sincerely Nickie 