Where to begin. I am so bad with writing these things but let me give it a whirl. Growing up in the small village of White Rapids, Blackville NB everything that I needed was within arms reach. My grandmother lived just steps away as was the river if in the monstrous heat of the summer I ever wanted to go for a swim. I had an older brother whom I got along fairly well with, Mom and Dad as well over the years we went through a number of cats and dogs. Oh yeah and there was always a couple of guitars kicking around.
In every family problems and downfalls happen from time to time and my family is no different. At the age of 35, my mother was taken away from us after a year or so of suffering from Cancer, a disease that continues its rampage today. This was a tough time for all and life changed dramatically because of it. There were a few rough spots here and there but we all managed to pull through. In this period of my life I shut myself away from everyone, and would spend most of my free time in my room singing. My tastes for music did not really match those of my schoolmates, but then again my tastes have never really match anything so it didn’t much surprised me. Elvis Presley, Roy Orbison, The Everly Brothers and to name one more Jerry Lee Lewis were some of my all time favorites.
Throughout the years, I have always been musical, most of which I get from my dad. In April of 2003, I released my very first album called The Ledden Street Sessions, which is a compilation of songs I had written up to that point and was a turning point in my life. After its release, I was given an opportunity to do theatre for that summer and met many interesting people as well as played a lot of music. I bounced around for a bit after that but eventually found myself in Halifax in the summer of 2004 doing a summer tour. This was particularly fun for me as it was the first time I had done a show consisting 100% of my songs. After a few shows had gone by I was noticing my body was not co-operating with my mind. Something was wrong. I had to switch off piano back to guitar because I was not functioning properly. In order to make it sound like I could play I had to stay on acoustic guitar and rely on the other to fill my gap. I had half dozen visits to the doctor that didn’t give me any answers so I finished the tour and afterwards I headed to Montreal.
Upon my arrival and over the next year I would get progressively worse and life began to change dramatically. I played open mics here and there in the fall of 2004 and realized that this problem was not going away. I was having difficulty walking up small inclines without feeling as if I would fall forward. I no long swung my arms when I walked, had a very hard time getting things in and out of my pockets, buttoning shirts, tying my shoe and on and on and on…
Since I couldn’t seem to get any answers from any doctors no matter how many times I went (3 times a week) I decided maybe the problem was in my head and started to put together another tour and thought maybe that’d take my mind off things. I joined a gym, started exercising rigorously and though my body looked and felt stronger the problems were getting worse. To my overwhelming disappointment, I had to cancel the summer tour. So, pissed off as I was, I was determined not to let this stop me from making music so I started recording a new album (sfa#12).
I spent the next 8 months recording.
In June of 2005, my body and mind had had enough. I had been to the doctor so many times with no luck. They starting telling me that it could be psychological and asked questions like when did your mother die. The right side of my body was getting worse, specifically my foot. I went to a sports doctor who suggested I get a brace made. None of this added up. I was 28, in the best shape of my life. Why the hell would I need a brace for my foot?
If I had not had my music to get me through this time, I do not know how well I would have done.
So one last time, in the rain, I visited the doctor. I cried on my way there but I didn’t care anymore. I didn’t care what it was. I didn’t care if he told me I had 2 days to live. I wanted to know what this was, this thing that had consumed my life. Since I was so young they wanted to rule out everything before they begin trying treatments for Parkinson’s disease. So when the doctor wrote out a prescription for Prolopa and told me what it was for I was a little upset. But I felt like at least I was on my way to somewhere now. After trying the drug, I felt as though my problems had been eliminated. I felt like my old self again. I eventually wrote a song called PD Groove dissing Parkinson’s disease, which also appears on sfa#12.
I find myself thinking sometimes. Why do I have this? I have always been good to my body and I am a good person, why do I have to deal with this, and you know what? There is no reason. I don’t believe in god or a higher power. I don’t believe that if I am good in this life I will be rewarded in the next because for me it just doesn’t add up.
I don’t know how long I am here for, and I don’t want to know. However, as long as I am here I am going to make music. I am going to make music and nothing is going to stop me. Sometimes something might get in my way, but nothing will ever stop me.
Robbie Tucker
January 15th 2006
Post Edited By Moderator (yekkimo) : 7/31/2006 5:59:05 PM (GMT-6)