I think it is not just that being depressed is harder when you are single--- being single is making me and keeping me depressed. Being alone confirms every negative feeling I have about myself -- of course I believe I am unlovable... I AM unloved. Of course I feel unattractive because, in truth, nobody is attracted to me. Trying to convince myself otherwise just makes me feel even worse. I am 36 years old and since graduating high school, I have been in one relationship, and that was for less than two years. And I haven't turned down a date in the 16 years I've been single.
It's not just the lack of having someone to lean on, or the burden of doing everything oneself. Being alone is lonely. For any married/coupled who thinks it isn't, and that single people should just get out and try to have a good time- try going to a nice restaurant alone on Friday night at 8 pm (without a book). Better yet, try going to a family wedding without a date. Office parties, married friends' kids' parties, dinner with couples-- all opportunities to feel smaller than an ant. And for how many years can one "put oneself out there" before you think it may just be a little bit hopeless?
I have a good job. I go to work, I come home. On the weekends when there is no work, I wonder why I had bothered to get out of bed. A bad day at work is devastating because that is all I have.
And I am continuously amazed at the number people who ask why others are still single..... what kind of answer could they possibly expect?
Heej E.M,
I see that you are new here, so welcome to HW
. Yes, being single can make you feel depressed. For years, I though a gf would make me happy, would solve my problems. But that was a huge thing, so every time someone was even the slightest of interested, I didn't want to lose that and thus lost it, if you know what you mean. I would back down, act like someone else, etc.
Fortunately, there is a positive side as well. Never having a relationship made me think about what in a relationship was that special thing. It wasn't the sex, it was the feeling of acceptance, that someone fully accepts you and cares for you. Being able to talk to someone who wants to see you happy. I was so focussed on getting a gf that I forgot that the things I wanted can be found anywhere. Because there are people that love you, that love me, that love. These people are called friends.
Hmm, this was more a story about me, so thanks for letting me vent, and sorry for not being very helpful
Take care!
Erik
Acceptance is the key
The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Try to keep smiling! :)
I see that you are new here, so welcome to HW
. Yes, being single can make you feel depressed. For years, I though a gf would make me happy, would solve my problems. But that was a huge thing, so every time someone was even the slightest of interested, I didn't want to lose that and thus lost it, if you know what you mean. I would back down, act like someone else, etc. Fortunately, there is a positive side as well. Never having a relationship made me think about what in a relationship was that special thing. It wasn't the sex, it was the feeling of acceptance, that someone fully accepts you and cares for you. Being able to talk to someone who wants to see you happy. I was so focussed on getting a gf that I forgot that the things I wanted can be found anywhere. Because there are people that love you, that love me, that love. These people are called friends.
Hmm, this was more a story about me, so thanks for letting me vent, and sorry for not being very helpful
Take care!
Erik
Acceptance is the key
The World is but a reflection. Smile, and it will smile back.
Try to keep smiling! :)
I have been divorced for 25 years. I get my support from my therapist and my 2 sons. As far as this forum goes, I get tremendous support from everyone, even those who are married. I have never found that someone who is part of a couple hasn't been able to understand me. We are all in the same position with our feelings and the support I get is from someone who is able to help me with a problem. Their ability to relate is amazing and when I have a problem that is what we concentrate on. So please understand that we get help from everyone. I am a little older but I still get support from the younger people who are here. Please give it a chance - I think you will be surprised how much help you will receive. Wishing you the best and I will answer your posts to try to help you.
Aurora
Hi EM,
I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. This is a wonderful place to come for support.
We are born alone, we need to learn to comfort oneself. You have to get to know you before you can hook up with somebody else and feel fullfilled. So don't give up on that.
I hope that you can find some peace and solace and learn to love yourself for who you are. Then think of getting on with the rest of the world. When you are alone you are with the best person ever.
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
I just wanted to welcome you to the forum. This is a wonderful place to come for support.
We are born alone, we need to learn to comfort oneself. You have to get to know you before you can hook up with somebody else and feel fullfilled. So don't give up on that.
I hope that you can find some peace and solace and learn to love yourself for who you are. Then think of getting on with the rest of the world. When you are alone you are with the best person ever.
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
Welcome to HealingWell and I think the one thing we all have in common here is depression. That is the bond that ties us together. You may be single but I do understand where your coming from. I attended many social gatherings as a single married woman as my husband is not into social events. Now that is an akward position.............people all want to know where your spouse is. In fact I have had people would say they did not believe I had a spouse as they had never met him. 
Also we understand each other, we do not have to have everything in common to feel your pain. I lost a son to a car accident but I will post my issues here if they happen to be related even thow even if only a few of the members have gone through the same experience all of the members understand why I would be upset.
We are all here for you and we may not know exactly how your feeling but we have great empathy for you.
So please know we are the world and we are all different yet we are the same.
Hugs
Kitt
Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
& Moderator GERD Forums
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources
Hi pixieD,
Although I am not currently single, I get where you are comming from. I've battled with my depression and anxiety disorders through all the different changes in my relationship status, even marriage. The one thing that I have learned is that just because you do have a siginificate other, it doesn't always mean that you have the support that you truly need. My ex husband was very insensitive to my disorders. He once told me that my depression and anxiety was all in my head. My current man doesn't like to discuss deep or emotional stuff so I don't involve him in my emotional distress. Our relationship is on the rocks due to my mental problems and the fact that we are both broke. Not healthy, I know. I have learned from my past 2 relationships that sometimes it is better to deal with everything alone. If he and I were to break up, I will definantly be single for awhile.
I can relate in a way, i've been depressed on/off for the last 7 years and the only time i was really happy was when I was in a relationship and that was fairly recently too. I think it was different for me as I haven't had much social contact so it was a big change just having someone to talk to every day and it truly did change everything for me, I instantly became more motivated to do things and was going out a lot more, I was really trying to get my life going again! I think just being in a relationship made me realise a lot of things but I think most importantly i know now that I can be happy!
Hi E.M.
I tried to reply to you directly, but I'm not sure how to do that. I can't tell you how much I identified with your post. I have been on my own for nearly five years now...dated, but never really had the inclination to see anyone for any period of time..seems that its such an effort to entertain anyone or when someone would come over, I couldn't wait for them to leave. No one wants to take things slow and get to really know each other. Work is all I seem to have as well, otherwise when I am home I watch television, read. My little guy is 7, when he is gone I just tend to hibernate. I tried the singles dance, was horrified at that and just basically always feel like the square peg trying to fit into the round hole.
I've tried the dating sites and that only served to make me feel in many instances that I do not in fact live up to the ideal Maxim woman therefore I am useless. Our society today is all about appearances..and while I consider myself okay looking, I certainly am not a female model who looks great in a bikini.
Just a few thoughts...
Hi Lilweezer,
Welcome to HealingWell. You have come to a good place. I was watching a movie today and it was said, that even though we are alone, we are all alone together. If that makes any sense to you. There are many lonely people in this world. Some of them are not alone, but lonely. So you are definately not alone in this.
Keep posting as we are here for you.
Hugs, Karen
PS we have an introductory thread if you are interested in telling us a little about yourself, that is your choice.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
Welcome to HealingWell. You have come to a good place. I was watching a movie today and it was said, that even though we are alone, we are all alone together. If that makes any sense to you. There are many lonely people in this world. Some of them are not alone, but lonely. So you are definately not alone in this.
Keep posting as we are here for you.
Hugs, Karen
PS we have an introductory thread if you are interested in telling us a little about yourself, that is your choice.
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
Hi Karen...thank you so much. yes, that does make a world of sense to me. Why is it we feel that every single person out there, in a relationship or not, are happy and having fun and laughing and life is good for them? Human error I guess.
How do I access the introductory thread?
Louise
How do I access the introductory thread?
Louise
I will bump it up to the top of the threads for you. It might have drifted to the next page.
You sound like you are feeling better. I am happy for that.
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
You sound like you are feeling better. I am happy for that.
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
Hi. Thankyou for those posts. It's quite comforting to know I'm not the only one. I am single too. 27 years old and in my whole life I think I've had about three decent dates. I do try my best to get out there but I also don't feel completely comfortable in social situations. I definitely don't tend to be the life of the conversation! I find it so hard to find the right woman it just seems to be so daunting. I don't expect a relationship to last forever but can't help but fear nothing will ever happen! I obsess about it far to much and I am now regularly getting terrible depression (though some days were ok today wasn't one of them)! I live with my parents and they're wonderfully understanding and great support but it doesn't do much for myself esteem or confidence. To make things worse I lost my job a couple of months ago! If anybody's reading take care! E
Hi Eve,
You have come to a good place, everybody here is so kind and compassionate. I hope that you continue to post.
A lot of us don't feel comfortable with social situations, it is just kind of a part of the depression. Though I never felt comfortable with a large group of people. So I would think this could be normal for what you are going through.
I hope that you continue to post. We are all here for you.
Have a wonderful day
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
You have come to a good place, everybody here is so kind and compassionate. I hope that you continue to post.
A lot of us don't feel comfortable with social situations, it is just kind of a part of the depression. Though I never felt comfortable with a large group of people. So I would think this could be normal for what you are going through.
I hope that you continue to post. We are all here for you.
Have a wonderful day
Hugs, Karen
Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies
Hello and welcome to HealingWell and yes we are reading and we understand.
I am glad that you have found this great forum and I know you will be meeting lots of other members that will be very supportive and caring to you.
Please know you are a good person and you will find that special person one day. It just sort of happens on it own when you least expect it.
I am so sorry to hear about your job and I agree that does hurt the self esteem but remember to love yourself first and keep on talking to us.
I wish you peace,
Kitt
Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic
Co-Moderator Depression
Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources
Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic
Co-Moderator Depression
Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~* http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources
pixieD, I'm single too never had a relationship going and I'm 35 now. even though I have some family support I still feel very loonly and I wish I could have some intimate feelings with someone special, it's tough to be single all these years and feel like a failure. but I think even married or people in relationship can still understand what you feel because they too have propably been in your position at some point of their lifes.
Hi Eve,
I also want to welcome you to our group. I know it's hard when you are hoping to meet the right person, and still waiting for it to happen. Losing a job is a tough experience to go through, too. I've been through some very difficult times in and out of relationships and in and out of jobs, and I've found it helpful to talk with a counselor about my sadness and feelings of low self-esteem. My sessions with her have made a huge difference in my life. Perhaps this is something you might consider. I'm encouraged to read that you have a supportive family.....that is such a blessing. I hope you will continue to join us here, and I agree with the others.....it's a wonderful and compassionate place to find support.
Living one day at a time.
I also want to welcome you to our group. I know it's hard when you are hoping to meet the right person, and still waiting for it to happen. Losing a job is a tough experience to go through, too. I've been through some very difficult times in and out of relationships and in and out of jobs, and I've found it helpful to talk with a counselor about my sadness and feelings of low self-esteem. My sessions with her have made a huge difference in my life. Perhaps this is something you might consider. I'm encouraged to read that you have a supportive family.....that is such a blessing. I hope you will continue to join us here, and I agree with the others.....it's a wonderful and compassionate place to find support.
Living one day at a time.
Thanks guys. I've actually kept a diary and noticed over the past month half the days were good half were not. Were any of you nervous about pouring out your emotions to a professional? But sometimes it has to be done doesn't it. I'm seriously considering.
I'm also considering returning to study. I can always drop out if I find something better. My dad said make finding a job a long-term goal not a short term one. Life isn't always easy but it has to go on right?
Do you all have good friends? I remember there was a girl I was good friends with since primary school and I was kinda sad when she moved to the other side of the city and she didn't invite me to her wedding (but mentioned two other of her friends were bridesmaids). But when I lost my job after a couple of years of no contact I called out of the blue and it was terrific to see her again! Lots to talk about. I would recommend anyone else to do the same! E
I was really nervous the first time I went to see a doctor, I went unwillingly after a lot of persuagion from my uncle, then I got used to it and after seeing so many doctors I fianaly met a very good one who made me tell her absolutly everything, even things I was ashamed of doing and it felt really good to share it with someone. it seems that most doctors and counsellers aren't good so you have to look for a good one who you can really open up to and feel comfortable, don't be discourged if you do see a doctor and feel disapointed for some reason, he might just be a bad doctor. good luck to you I hope you can find your way out of this.
Thanks Akram. I was surprised so many doctors appeared to be unable to help you. I won't let that faze me. I guess sometimes in life you do have to shop around don't you! I do remember I saw a psychologist once but that was for career matters. Didn't learn much I didn't already know. Wonderful that your uncle recognised what you were going through and persuaded you to go - and you were eventually able to find a good one. Thankyou for your supportive words + getting by + stkitt + Raniah too! Cheers E
I have also been single for a very long time and only had affairs or short relationships. I have no big problem with being alone but there are always some days (especially evenings) when you feel very sad and wish there was somebody next to you. I have good friends I can talk to but it's not the same like having a partner. I spend a lot of time on the internet in forums like these or in chats, so I am not the kind of person that goes out every night. That's why I started with online dating and registered at a few sites. Maybe you want to check it out, too, here's a dating sites comparison chart. For me, this is very interesting and comfortable way to get to know women.