Update.......................

[bipolarwoman]

You guys' posts made me cry - in a good way.  It's so nice to have people that you can  talk to that completely understand what's going on, why we're reckless and take chances that could kill us (I am surprised I'm not dead for all the things I've done, more than I told), why we're so sensitive.  EVen tho I'm blunt, I am like a baby.  Look at me cross eyed and first I get pissed, I literally unable to cry.  I finally figured it why.  Because my father wouldn't allow me to get mad about anything He would call me a "miserable wretch" and if I cried he told me the old "if you don't stop crying I'll give you something to cry about" and he meant it right after a beating and send me to my room.  Then I would get so ****ing angry that I would scratch my face till it bled.  I had nowhere else to put my anger.  What a ****ing ******.  So now I get mad first.  Then, when I start to get over it, here come the water works, usually because I have used my razor sharp tongue to hurt the other person worse, and then I hate myself because I realize it wasn't verbal abuse, or meant to hurt me in any way, I just took it that way.  It's still that way even on meds, it's just a learned response like a knee jerk and I can't seem to conrol the beast!

So since I know we all probably have these same reactions, or at least cry about hurt feelings, I will try very hard not to take it personally, because I know in my heart you probably wouldn't try to hurt me for real, and I wouldn't  try to hurt you guys.  Yes, Patti, I got mad at you after you didn't accept my apology and explanation, but I resisted saying anything mean, cos I knew it would make matters much worse, and you are just depressed and sensitive right now.  But I am sooo relieved that you understand now that I didn't mean to hurt you. It's a non issue, forgotten!  We all get over little petty things, I think!

Thanks for always listening and caring.  I love you both *hugs*

[bipolarwoman]

Oh, I guess I'm not thinking!  Nickie I guess that's another thing we have in common, our dads being so nice to us, and the weak mom who just obeyed.  Didn't you wish all the time that your parents were nice, and loving.  I have to admit, yours was worse than mine, my parent for some reason would be really good to me on birthdays and christmas, I guess they thought that would make up for the rest of the year.  Right.  But my mom was fairly good to me when he wasn't around.  We are actually very close now.  And I left out the part that my dad as of the past year is making every attempt to be nice to me now.  I disowned him last year after trying my whole life to get his love and approval, finally i decided he wasn't worth it.  And surprise, he came around - he is like another person.  I am shocked.  But you know, it doesn't even lessen one bit the resentment I have toward him, and I just can't feel much love for him, but he is trying so hard, maybe that will come in time.  I am starting to feel sorry for him, because he is bipolar also, and refuses to get help.  He lets his BP give him lexapro, but refuses to see a psychiatrist, even tho he admits to being bipolar.  He still has his ridiculous pride.   He also doesn'st care if he lives or dies.  So how can I not feel for him, he went from this ultra successful business owner without any college and retired at 56 with over a million in assets and a beautiful ranch paid for, to what he has become now, a man who sits in a chair all day and drinks scotch from morning till night.    It is sad, no matter who it happens to.  I hate to say, but karma is a *****.

Any way, Nicki I am so impressed with your GPA!  But I am NOT surprised!  The cool thing about us is when we put our minds toward something, it usually becomes an obsession and we become masters at whatever it is.  Very driven to succeed.  I have always  been that way, since I was very little.  There are a lot of perks with BP, too! But you know, I am even more impressed that you did it being a single mom and NOT living at home with daddy paying for it.  Unbelievable.  Just going to school is impresssive, let alone perfect grades!  Do you ever sit down and truly think about that?  You're awesome.  Wow. 

Patti, I am SOOO proud of you, you are making an effort and that's the first step.  Did you find any good prospects yet?  How are you feeling today? You're probably asleep now, it's only 9:45 a.m.  I hope to hear from you later! 

[stox4pat]

Hi hot babes! How is everyone doing today? I hope u are feeling well and happy I am very happy that we have put this bullcrap behind us.   Like I said, you both mean so much to me. Nicki...thank you for understanding my sensitivy. Shannon, thnk you for accepting me as I am, and accepting my apologize. Nick, I saw that u came to Florida for a pool tournment, if you come again, you are MORE than welcome to stay here with me, not to mention I would love to meet you. Shannon, while I didnt see tht u play pool, you are welcome to come for a visit, also . We could have so much fun, doing the beach thing, going to cafes, and going to nice dinners (on me, of course!) Like I said before, I live in ft. Lauderdale,, about 1 mile from the beach. I think we all need a vacation. Just dont forget your meds...LOL! I have a 3 bedroom (1 king size bed..that is MINE...LOL) And the other 2 bedrooms are queen size beds. And we all have our own bathrooms! Nick, you can bring your daughter and Jason (I have comfortable couchs for your daughter) And Shannon, I will put u and Paul pstairs as I know u r sex fiends....LOL! I understand if u cannot come, but I hope u can. Being together, I think we will have a GREAT time!!!!! Shannon, I had no luck re: pdoc. But, I will keep on trying, thanks to you ladies. Let me know when and if u can come. The Airline tix arent that expensive. But, in case u cannot aford them, you can either drive or Shannon come alone. Not to be disresptcful, but I remember u said in a previous post that u were bankrupt. Like i said I am not rich, but I would be more happy to help u lovely ladies with yourairline tix. Also, if possible can u girls send pictures? Being that I am computer loser, I may need some help!

I love and need my babes,

Patti

P.S. I am not feeling well today, I just want you to worry about me

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Epilepsy (31 years) Depakote (250mg x 5per day) Keppra (300mg x 2 per day), Valium-myolclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 

[bipolarwoman]

Hi, P!  You're so sweet to invite us, that is really, really nice.  I'm sure we would have a really great time! (I had to laugh about being "upstairs", hehe), how thoughtful!   

[kittycat27]

 Wow just the other day I was thinking about that, sending you all some of my pics. Me and my daughter. Anyhow , glad to see we are all back together. True friends do those types of things, we just got to remember we have it a little tougher with BP. Patti, I would love to come and see you, only have two more weeks of break, and have lots of books to read, and taking Jaylynn(my daughter) to the circus, fair and other places before we both go back to school. I think that next year we should all plan to do a trip like that though! Shannon, a couple quick comments, my dad is also trying. Although not dx with BP, I sure think he is. As far as my mom, she and I are best friends. She does anything for me, if you recall, well I take that back not sure I told ya, , she is the first person I talked to about my dx of BP and believed me. She also talked me out of suicide. I love her, she never drnk, smoked, or anything, strict catholic, just never believed in divorce. My dad retired from GM, my mom an accountant at Chrysler Credit still works, they have two homes , buliding a third to retire at and selling the rest. They also have property, my dad is the avid outdoors hunter. Their new home in like a beautiful ranch with a huge pond, and 40 acres of hunting land. They too sit on quite a bit of money. See how much we have in common. LOL I have too become close to my father, but he still drinks and fels sorry for himself, not sure about what , he has it all. It 's his BP, and alcohol that makes him so down, or maybe he feels bad for all the sad nad bad things he's done over the years. I too feel bad for him. My brother doesn't drink because he doesn't want to be like my dad. I can't blame him. I don't act like my dad when I am drinking,I just have a couple beers to relax. It's funny, I went from a drunk, to not needing it at all. I can go without it, but I do like it every once in awhile. All I know is I should be mad at him, but I am not, I love him, but I love my mom more. She put up with alot, and always stuck up for my brother and I. She's a strong person, and God will bless her for that. -----Patti, you really didn't say a whole lot. Are you ok? Where's your husband? Is he still at the other house? You really need to talk about it. Any luck finding a good doc in the area? Get back to us. Did you answer, my where would you want to go thread?            Nickie

[stox4pat]

Hi friends (so nice to say that!) Actually things are bad, I did find a Neuropsychiatrist, tho. Do u babes think I should go tht route or strictly a psychiatrist? Let me know what u think. As far as the pics, PLEASE send some..my email address is: stox4pat@aol.com. I PROMISE I will send u ladies some pics also, but Kevin (husband) will be here on the 10th of this month and he is a LOT more computer intelligent than I am, so we will probably have to wait for him to get here for me to send the pics. BUT I PROMISE I WILL. I hope you babes will also! It will be fun. Nickie, I LOVE the name of your daughter! How old is the little one? Speaking of kids, Shannon, please leave me your email address so I can to u about that (if u want to). Either way, I would love to have both of your addresses as I need to talk to you both in private. Thanks a lot.

Love to u both,
Patti

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Epilepsy (31 years) Depakote (250mg x 5per day) Keppra (300mg x 2 per day), Valium-myolclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 

[kittycat27]

Patti here is mine , jstruth@comcast.com just put attention Nickie or something. Jason is pretty good about not checking my mail. I have another wewbsite for mail , but for the life of me I can't think of what the heck it is. Shannon, I think you already had this. And just to let ya know, I have no clue how to send pics, I will ask a computer acquaintance of mine. Also sorry Patti I am unsure what that type of pdoc does, Shannon is more suited to answer or give you info. in that department. How did you come about this? Was this doc referred or do you know someone going to him/her?  Talk to you all soon.

[stox4pat]

Hi ladies. As far as the Neuropsychiatrist, I was told by my sister who was told by her doc that would be the road for me to take since I take so many meds for the brain. However, after posting yesterday I called the office and they told me NO, I didnt need that. I am so confused! As I have told you guys, I have the worst experiences with pdocs, now I dont know what to do. How to find one? My GP is on the other coast of Fla., as that is where my primary addrss is. However since the Hurricane, I have been at our house in Ft. Laud. for a year now. Any ideas would be of great help. I am going online to see if I can come up w/some deas. Please help if u can. Talk to u soon.

Love ya' both,

Patti ;~)

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Epilepsy (31 years) Depakote (250mg x 5per day) Keppra (300mg x 2 per day), Valium-myolclonic jerks PRN/as neeed 

[kittycat27]

 OKay Patti, can your GP refer you to a pdoc across the coast? Sounds weird but is that possible? Otherwise can you go stay at your other house for awhile? Maybe then your GP can refer you to a pdoc, and you and your husband can talk? Isn't that where he is? Do you guys even talk at all?           Nickie

[bipolarwoman]

Hi, guys!   I finally fixed my computer, I just had to adjust the "search by" button and refresh topic.  Weird, I dont even know jack about computers........

Ok, my email is k9trainingbiz@comcast.net, and I will send you both some pics, I can't wait to get yours!!!

Hi, Patti!  A neuropsych would be fine, but def not necessary.  Do you have insurance?  Call the list of Pdocs and I'm sure you can find one, or look in the yellow pages, there are TONS!  Don't give up.