Yes I'm a depressant. When I'm up I'm up higher than the clouds but when I'm down I'm in deep.
But I just wish I could be happy without having the depressive thoughts hitting me every second.
Examples:
I had applied for a job back in june,they decided not to hire for the position but kept my resume on file. Had another position come up and remembered my resume and called me last week for an interview. I felt so confident after the interview,and then again yesterday when I had my second interview. Then when I got home a couple of my references called me to let me know that the company had called them. So I was up up up for about an hour. Then the thoughts of "what if they decide on another person,then I'm going to be so down... "am I going to be able to get back up this time to keep trying for another job?"
My daughter is on top of the world right now,she is 18 has her first job and her first serious boyfriend. They said the "three words" to each other this past month and I was so excited for her,remembering the "first love". Then the thoughts of " he's going to break her heart and then what,I live 2 hours away and she has a job so how am I going to get her to come here for a week or so to help her through it?
My boyfriend and I seem to be getting along great. I miss him when he's gone,and I love him with all of my heart.
We have future talks about buying a house this summer ect ect. So,I should be secure with the relationship right?
No,instead I start dwelling on the "no marriage". I even brought it up last week,and it brought me down. So I start thinking "do we have a future,am I wasting my time",and "he doesn't want to buy the cow as he can get the milk for free".
Those are just a couple examples that I have running through my head right now. But it's enough to make me stop and realize that even though I'm not on meds,and seem to be doing slightly ok without them. I am afraid that I'm going to hit rock bottom and have to get on them again. I know that I am easily addicted to meds,so that scares me in itself.
UGH
shynsassy@healingwell.net
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks
Hi ShynSassy, It sounds to me as if you are jumping way ahead of yourself. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly a couple times. Put things in perspective here. You are worrying about things that haven't even happened yet and that you can NOT control. Your daughters life is her own. Let her live it. If you get involved it will only cause conflict. Second, on the job situation it sounds as if you went on the interview they are calling your references there is nothing else for you to do. Either you get it or you don't. Do not stress on it. There are other jobs out there. You will find one, trust me, you just need to have a positive attitude. As for your boyfriend, if your talking about buying a house together that is a big commitment. It doesn't sound as if he doesn't want to be with you. Maybe you do need to see your doctor to about inquire about a mild antidepressant. It may help greatly. You also mentioned that you are easily addicted to medications. Not all physicians are "pill pushers" and it is ok to take a antidepressant if you need it. There is not any reason you should have to suffer. I went for a year without medication too and thought I did well but when I started to slide down hill I went straight to the doctor and got a script. You can not control depression alone. ~elisha
Your right. and that is one reason why I'm stressing so much about a job, as I don't have insurance nor the financial means to get the meds without asking my boyfriend (again) for money.
Plus he's so afraid of me getting back on meds as he says I was a complete zombie before.
shynsassy@healingwell.net
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks
Plus he's so afraid of me getting back on meds as he says I was a complete zombie before.
shynsassy@healingwell.net
Chronic Depression, Panic Attacks,Anxiety Attacks
I understand, but you have to take care of yourself. You have to have confidence that you will get a job. Stressing will not help you much, it will only make you sick. Most doctors offices are only more than willing to give out samples of antidepressants that the prescribe (they get them for free from the drug companies anyway to promote the meds, when you are almost out you call and tell them you need more) you just need to explain that you don't have insurance currently. There are lots of meds out there that will not make you feel like a "zombie", maybe before you were on the wrong dose or the wrong medications. That is the type of feelings that you should communicate to your physician about so they can adjust meds. With a new doctor office also you can set up a payment plan until you get a job and have insurance to pay for the appointment this way you wont have to ask you boyfriend for money.
~elisha