Dear helpless I am feeling so much like you right now. I am always angry at the people who are closest to me. Why? I just want to be alone or watching tv. Not on the phone not helping others even though I put on such a great face with others. Then I get home and I want to go to bed and curl up and not think of anything.
I think we both need to talk to someone who is objective. But then I get embarrassed about making the appointment.
Hi Helpless,
How are you doing? Christmas came and went, thank goodness! And now after we get through this weekend, it will be back to "normal" whatever that is.
Have you been able to make a doctor/therapy appointment yet? Please remember that it can be a stressful decision to make and it can be hard to get to that first appointment, and it is okay to be feeling unsure when you do those things. Being able to say exactly why you are making the appointment is not necessary; all you need to say is you are depressed. They might try to get a feel for how depressed you are to see if you need an immediate appointment. Tell them you need an immediate appointment; having to wait is nerve-wracking when it's your first time. Then, when you get there, start simple and let the doc ask the necessary questions.
I hope you are feeling better and I hope you are still planning to make your appointment. Keep in mind that I bug you because I care!! I'll be thinking of you and I hope you post again soon! In the meantime, do something good for you!
Nanse
Nanse thank you for caring soooo much about me. I feel closer to you than anybody in my life. I look so forward to reading your posts. You seem to understand exactly what I feel. Thank you for that.
Sadflower, I know exactly what you are saying. The people around me seem to be the people that anoy me the most. They seem not to understand what I am going through. They seem to think that it is all in my head. They think that I could just turn off my feelings and everything would be ok. It is not like that. I want to run away. I want to be alone. I want to sleep forever. My kids are the only things that keep me going. I am scared to go to a doctor.
Hi helpless,
How are you today? I hope your day is a good one.
Tell me more about being afraid to go to a doctor? We all have fears about going when we begin our journey. Afraid of being declared insane (won't happen), afraid the doctor can know things about you even if you don't talk about those things (can't happen: they have no special powers or ability to know anything about you unless you tell them), afraid of being judged as a bad person (can't happen either because people with problems aren't bad persons, they are troubled persons), afraid of being blamed and shamed for our troubled circumstances or troubled thoughts (won't happen: the goal will be to identify where they come from so we can learn how to deal with them), afraid the therapist will expect things of you that you cannot do (won't happen, but there may be challenges to try and those can be fun and enlightening!).
If you have other fears, can you say what they are?
I think you are at a place where it is more exhausting and discouraging to stay where you are than to take that step and seek professional help. The way you like to talk here on the board is the way you will talk in therapy; friendly, comfortable, easy.
Thinking of you and hope you are having a peaceful day today!
My IM info is here, too, if you wish to IM.
Nanse
Helpless
I was thinking about your posts this weekend,and I remembered something very important.
I remember when I was married and going through the first bouts of depression I was scared to go to the Dr. The reason? pride. I was scared that someone would find out that I went.
I found a great Dr. that assured me that no one would find out unless I told them. During the first session she said something to me that sticks with me to this day. She said " In order to get better you need to change your enviroment". Gawd was that so true. My homelife had to change or I was never going to get better. Then I had to look at my job,and that went about years later.
You will be ok,but it will take some work.
Don't worry about the world ending,it's already tomorrow in Australia!
I was thinking about your posts this weekend,and I remembered something very important.
I remember when I was married and going through the first bouts of depression I was scared to go to the Dr. The reason? pride. I was scared that someone would find out that I went.
I found a great Dr. that assured me that no one would find out unless I told them. During the first session she said something to me that sticks with me to this day. She said " In order to get better you need to change your enviroment". Gawd was that so true. My homelife had to change or I was never going to get better. Then I had to look at my job,and that went about years later.
You will be ok,but it will take some work.
Don't worry about the world ending,it's already tomorrow in Australia!
I've also been thinking about your posts, and I came up with:
If your car wasn't running right, you would take it in for a tune up.
Counseling is a tune up of thought patterns.
It popped in my mind, and I liked it. I hope you do too and that it makes it easier for you to go in.
bev
Just a quick note to say I'm thinking of you.
How are you? What did you do for New Year's Eve? I did my very traditional celebration--went to bed! Made it to 11:15 but couldn't keep my eyes open past that. I'm just an old partypooper I guess! I'll celebrate anything... but make it early!!
I hope you are okay and having good days and I hope you will post or IM and let us know how you are.
Nanse
helpless said...
I think about how my life would be if I never got married and had kids. How much easier it would be to be alone. That thought alone drives me crazy because I would give my life for my kids. I sit there and think about how the neighbours seem to have this wonderful life. I look at people and automaticaly I compare them to myself. Of coarse they always end up being better. At time I even forget what I was thinking about. It is as if I black out.
I have these thoughts (memories) about being a small girl and something bad happening to me. Something I do not even want to write about. Not knowing if it is a true memory or just a horrible dream that I still remember a bit, drives me crazy.
I remeber thing that I have done and regret with all my heart. I have a lot of regrets.
My life seems like a movie. When I am in front of people(the camera) I smile, laugh, and I am always pretending that everything is ok. When the camara goes off so does the smile.
What should I do.
I think about how my life would be if I never got married and had kids. How much easier it would be to be alone. That thought alone drives me crazy because I would give my life for my kids. I sit there and think about how the neighbours seem to have this wonderful life. I look at people and automaticaly I compare them to myself. Of coarse they always end up being better. At time I even forget what I was thinking about. It is as if I black out.
I have these thoughts (memories) about being a small girl and something bad happening to me. Something I do not even want to write about. Not knowing if it is a true memory or just a horrible dream that I still remember a bit, drives me crazy.
I remeber thing that I have done and regret with all my heart. I have a lot of regrets.
My life seems like a movie. When I am in front of people(the camera) I smile, laugh, and I am always pretending that everything is ok. When the camara goes off so does the smile.
What should I do.
I would suggest you get a good referral to a counselor from your primary care Dr. I think many of us go thru the mental "jostling" that you have been putting yourself through. For me I work with a counselor to help me understand why I am looking for something else instead of being happy in the moment... like you with a good paying job, great kids, spouse etc. Counseling has really helped me. I have not taken any meds. Personally for me I dont want to take meds. Perhaps I am a bit of a control freak that way. Works for me. Try a good counselor. My guess is that it helps big time.