Most people don't know I'm severely depressed. Today I felt like it would be easier to just die. I at one point had it all. I was a self made millionaire. Traveled the world owned all the nicest cars at once shared everything with everyone. Strangers family fake friends and real friends I was blessed with a great guy that loved me so much.
I spent a lot of time in Paris with him back and forth between the states. He helped me start an entertainment company that allowed me to book shows in Europe and the US. One day he flew me there to break up with me on my fifth day there. I was devastated. Soon after I lost a lot of money by a family member. My aunt told her shady friends I had a lot of money in my account because the guy that did my landscaping that she introduced me to told her the bank said that I had over a million dollars in my account. So instead of helping me by telling me my bank would be so stupid to repeat that several bad things started happening. Many people stole from me n many ways. I lost almost half my money through fraudulent activity. I went to court to fight knowing I would win but only ended up spending another 70k just to lose that as well. I lost my court case because I had trolls for lawyers and no one cared for me. The jury didnt feel bad for me even though specialist found forged signatures and 200k put into a dummy account that wa open for one day. Next I lose another 150k on a deal with houses I bought that was part of a big scheme Kwame Kirkpatrick and his friends were in control of.
Next my favorite baby my dog had to be put to sleep. Then I lose my grandma then I trusted a friend to help me sell my cars. My BMW and ranger over at the time I had 3 cars a s550 and 645 BMW convertible and range rover supercharged . Since I gave the keys the police considered that not stolen and my car insurance did not cover larceny on my cars. So 100% loss. I knew I would Atleast get paid for my cars so simultaneously I rented my Mercedes to a cousin who owned a luxury car rental place. After a year of earning over. 30k I found out then at the time my insurance denied my claim Indefintely. So I demanded my car back because I knew it wasn't safe. That disappeared and still no sign of it and I tried to get help reporting it but to Atleast put a missing car report out but still no sign of it. Next my buisness basicslly came to a halt. I couldn't book any shows which was my life for last 6 years and fell really depressed and scared to do anything.
I held onto my condo rental property and my home I resided in. I became pregnant from a trip to Paris that next year 2011 and me and my ex fiancé were excited until one day a trip to the ER discovered I def was pregnant but they couldn't find where the baby was. I went in because of bleeding and pain. I was only 1.5 at time and right there I was told surgery or chemo. I took chemo and the next month was hell blood test and dr visits every week until the 3 rd dose of chemo failed and then I had to face the surgery . My ex fiancé stopped talking to me basically and 3 months later I was forced to sell my house my mother and sisters were living in with me. That house was my first house I ever bought on my 24th bday and it made me so sad. But a month and half later I was planning my move I was staying with my mother and planned on leaving in the next coming weeks. And I was sleeping on her couch and she didnt know I was home so she woke me up and asked me to lay down in my sisters room who wasn't home that weekend because she and her ex husband had joint custody. My mother was very depressed and started talking to me late that night just saying how sad she was and how she feels like she isn't going to live long. That she always thought she would die young. And I told her she was gonna be the one person to out live all of us. And she kept saying it. And she told me things she wanted. How she didnt want to be buried or how she wants me to make sure my sister doesn't get forced to live with her dad if she didnt want all these crazy things like she knew and I ignored it. And 2 weeks later I came home real late and I walk passed her room and I seen her sleeping. I never stop by her room ever. And I started praying for god to help my mom be happier. And I go to kids her and take her glasses off her head and realized my mother was gone. and it felt like the worst pain in my life. Still there was no cause of death.
That's why I believe sadness can literally kill u. 19 months go by and I finally start to come out and do things more. Fighting to feel better and I met a guy who charmed me and had so much on common with me same age and all. We were together everyday for a year and some until recently it's dying down. I'm learning he's not this loving guy I thought I met. And he has issues that has put me in his same situation financially because I wanted to help. I am losing this connection we have. He doesn't make me feel wanted anymore and I'm very insecure. I found something that filled that void and now it's more empty then before. Love is killing my heart becaue I want it so bad. I need my mother now more than ever. She's the only person who ever loved me and I know I was something special out of the. 4 of us. My father always has been distant and never really shown me and my brother love but I have no one. I'm so alone. I lost everything at this point. All I have left is a condo that's rented out and I sleep on my younger sisters couch. I'm nothing anymore. People don't respect me and treat me like I'm nothing but when I had it all and shared so generously with no expectations I never let anyone feel they were less than me. I would slide money to put in people's pocket so they can pay for they're own things when we were out in public. I remember one month I paid 3 evictions . No one remembers anything when I ask for help. I can't even get a ride most days. I pay for every favor I get done for me. I feel like my life is over and I'm nothing. I just need prayer.
I never opened up to anyone like this and I can't. I never posted on any type of social media and I just pray someone reads this and gives me words that will help. I'm so alone and afraid and ashamed and humiliated and low. I feel very unloved today.
Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 9/8/2014 5:46:23 PM (GMT-6)
Well, here, money don't mean anything. It is who cares about you. And we all do...
Please next time you post, use paragraphs. I have old eyes and can't read too good when it is all basically together.
Money can't buy happiness, just brings you trolls. I really am sorry for what happened to you but most of all for losing your mother. It is so hard to lose somebody we love so much.
I am sorry for the scams and the lies that you endured. It just isn't right. But people are good at it. And pray on other people that don't know how to protect their selves. But now it is gone, and you start over. It can be done. You may not be rich ever again, but you can be happy.,
I hope that things get better for you soon. Start from 0. Learn what is important in life. Dignity, self respect, things like that... Being proud of yourself for a job well done. Learn again the simple things in life. Money has never actually brought me happiness. It is always the little things in life that I enjoy.
feel better lucky. i am vision impaired (diabetic retinapathy) and it is playing up tonight, thus i could not read your post. i do however send many healing thoughts your way. know that we care.THE HAPPY TURTLE.
Thanks guys. One thing I realized is being sad over the material isn't what's important. All I talked about was the minor things. Money can be made again. But the thorns are the real losses. My mother the most important thing is what is killing me. I stopped caring about money a long time ago. I'm too depressed to work or want more in life again. Now I look forward to being happy and I don't know how to be. I wake up crying from going to sleep crying. I don't know what to do. I pray I ask god to help give me strength just to make it through today. It's torture in my mind.
PERHAPS YOU WOULD BENEFIT FROM THERAPY, LEARNING HOW TO GIVE YOURSELF COMPASSION AND LOVE. OOPS Did not mean to type all that in caps, I am not yelling.
Money seems to be a high focus for you, most likely because you were so financially successful. However you only mentioned on the way about your do and your grandma, not even complete sentences. I know you had more feelings for them.
Refocusing your life away from monetary gains, towards selfworth will be more gratifying and you will find yourself more successful.
Keep posting here, you are not alone, we listen and support you. Peace TrinaModerator - Depression Be still and know there is Peace.
Kabir says: "Student tell me, what is God? He is the breath inside the breath". from the poem Breath. DX: reverse Trigeminal Neuralgia;Cluster headaches; Atypical face pain;Hemicrania Continua; raynauds;complex PTSD; recurring MDD,disassociative disorder;
Hello, lucky. I was never close to being that wealthy, but I was well off. Guess in a sense I still am, but I know what it's like to have everything and then not have anything. I am some what in the same boat as you, because I was comfortable with all I had n I too spent money to help family and friends and was used by all of them.
I signed up today and I find your story and to me it's somewhat the same as mine. I don't think you want to hear about my struggles but more of how I can help you. Well first things first... You are doing an amazing job believing and asking God to help you. Second, you have to learn to be your own best friend. I lost all my family and I'm alone. I have kids but they depend on me so I can't go to them with my problems. My oldest child is 16 so you can imagine. My advice is seek God for help, try to understand his plan the best you can n pray. I got on here to get help n tell my story but reading yours made me want to help you n by helping you I help myself.
You are strong and you've overcame a lot in your life n I understand you want to give up cuz you fell down, but you have to see it in a different light. You know the things you didn't get to do cuz you were to busy making a life and helping others? Well stay thinking of them and try to do them.. I mean the little things, only you know what they are. Spend more time loving yourself... Go to church be inspired and start off doing small things n once you accomplish this move on to something a little bit bigger and try to make you happy. Put on some inspirational music n listen to it till your blue in the face. You have to inspire yourself.
The people that took you for granted forgive them n let go of the disappointment for your well being not theirs. Leave them in your past n try to be happy with God n yourself, because at the end of the day you only have to worry about you and how you feel. While you are losing sleep the rest are sleeping like a baby, so worry about inspiring yourself n take each day little by little. It's not easy but you can do it! I pray I was some help. God bless you! ________ Hmmmm, Welcome to the forum.. I did not edit you post, however, rules are we can not discuss God or religion on the forum. Please review the rules. thanks
Post Edited By Moderator (BnotAfraid) : 9/10/2014 6:30:38 AM (GMT-6)
Welcome to the forum. You can start a new post if you want to. Or you can post on the daily check in thread. Or here is fine. You might not get noticed as much tagging on a thread though.