As awful as it sounds I have been looking for ways to get attention from my self absorbed hubby. Once, I even hurt myself. Anybody had similar problems?
In some ways. I often feel worthless and try to get my husbands help...but he is not self absorbed, I am just too demanding. What does he do to be self absorbed? Welcome to the forum, and I hope it helps you!
Hi tired and lonely, Welcome to healing well forum. We are happy to have you.
It is interesting that you posted this as it is such a taboo subject and one that I dont think most people want to admit to doing. I know that I certainly dont. I have depression and PTSD not bipolar but I felt the need to respond to your post. When I was married (divorced now) and my husband and I would have an argument I know the first thought through my mind would be to harm myself. I am like this with my mother also if we have an argument. I have not ever followed through on this but the thought is there. I dont think for me it is so much to get attention from them or to hurt me but to punish them in some way. Kind of like saying "now see what you've made me do". I dont know it is kinda strange to feel like that.
~elisha
Cats are like potato chips ~ you can't have just one
you are so right about doing it to punish them.....
Self afflicting... You will find these people who don't have coping abilities or don't know how to express extreme emotions.
I'm one of them, so was my mother and now my daughter. I do wonder if it's heditary umm.
I'm one of them, so was my mother and now my daughter. I do wonder if it's heditary umm.
Actually I think it is more like internalizing your emotions. I am not so sure I would say that these people dont have coping abilities. Some of us have been through really rough childhoods, marriages or traumatic events and to get through things like that and not be zombies on 50 different prescriptions or off in 4 point restraints in the state mental hospital. I just mean that we each have different coping skills, some are better than other. Everyone of us of course is different and would have these thoughts for different reasons but in the end it comes down to the same thing. If you could just say "hey, ya know what? I am really mad at you." or "why are you angry with me?" then maybe when we perceive there is a threat or danger to our comfort level and or inner turmoil then we wont and wouldn't have these types of feelings. Wouldn't that be great!!
You mention it being hereditary...which is interesting. My mother was raised a certain way by my g-ma strict catholic upbringing. You dont talk about personal business and g-ma is still like this today. My mom has trouble communicating actually sitting down and talking to me like a person (I'm 32 now by the way) she is the type that will talk at you. I know she loves me but when this has been so engraved into her how do you change it? We were following the same pattern that she had with her mom. Through counseling (a lot of it) I realized that I have to take the initiative if I want to feel better. If I want to have a better relationship not just with my mom but with anyone who enters my life as I never learned how to communicate. Okay, I am done rambling on about this now...sorry I took up so much space and wondering if I should just hit delete (but wont as I do believe in what I have said).
Welcome to Healing Well SoulsBreath, we are glad to have you.... 
~elisha~
ways to help support healing well:
I appreciate everyone's reply thus far. I realize I have serious trouble coping....I knew that before but I think I needed to hear it from someone else.
Hey tired...are you in counseling or seeing a pdoc? I dont want to be nosey here but if these feelings that your having are becoming to much than you really should seek professional help. I see a psychiatrist once a month and my counselor every two weeks in combination with taking and antidepressant that keeps me pretty level for the most part. Sometimes it is comforting to know that your not alone with your feelings, that someone does relate in someway to you. Please keep us updated on how your doing....Take care
~elisha~
~elisha~
ways to help support healing well:
i have a psychiatrist, but i hate to take meds....so i do okay for a while and then (like last week) something really stressful happened and I went all psycho.....i don't like to go to couselors either (i'm a very private person). i know in my head what i need to do i just can't seem to get myself to do it. it takes a month to get an appt. with my psych so that's really great when you're freaking out....i need some refills on my meds so i know i need to go see him....and of course i HATE having to buy meds.
Yeah I hear ya...I am a walking pharmacy. Well, hang in there and in the mean time if you ever do want to were here for you....
~elisha~
~elisha~
ways to help support healing well:
Lawd I think I have about 300 worth of meds a month .. sigh. I almost need a travel case just for those, so I know how this one feels. I dont know if one can say it gets better or we just get used to it ..
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tired and lonely,
I think the word "attention" has several meanings that we don't apply. Even medical doctors in emergency rooms don't understand how that word should be used. i.e. She overdosed because she wanted attention. OK, Yes, You're right, I want attention. When the military officer walks in the room, everyone stands to attention. Why? Because he deserves attention. Is he showing off? playing games? no, he deserves it and that's what he gets. You are saying, I believe I am worth listening to, I hurt, I don't know how to tell anyone. When I hurt myself, I don't necessarily want to die, but, if I had, that sure would have definitely gotten their attention. No. You are not a 4 yr old constantly interrupting your mother or jumping on the sofa so everyone will look at you. You don't want people to look at you and shrug you off as an attention seeker, you want help and support. And right now, that is the only way you know how to yell for it.
Sure, once we have calmed down, we can go in for therapy and learn all the lingo: "dissociative", "borderline", "depersonalization", "coping skills", "contract for safety". Sure, we can learn all the catchy phrases, and we'll be able to talk to the pdoc like an old pro. But for now, you work with what you have. And unfortunately, the English language doesn't have a better phrase than the old worn out, "they're just doing it for attention".
Sorry I rambled. It's just that one time, I was so upset when I came to in the ER from a failed sui*&de attempt, because I overheard the doctor say to just ignore me because I didn't take a lethal dose of the drugs, so I was just doing it for attention. I just laid there and cried. No one understood, not even a doctor, how much I hurt. And that hurt even worse.
Do what you have to do until you get the help and support you need. Please, without hurting yourself or others. Take care, sorry I rambled. -denise
I think the word "attention" has several meanings that we don't apply. Even medical doctors in emergency rooms don't understand how that word should be used. i.e. She overdosed because she wanted attention. OK, Yes, You're right, I want attention. When the military officer walks in the room, everyone stands to attention. Why? Because he deserves attention. Is he showing off? playing games? no, he deserves it and that's what he gets. You are saying, I believe I am worth listening to, I hurt, I don't know how to tell anyone. When I hurt myself, I don't necessarily want to die, but, if I had, that sure would have definitely gotten their attention. No. You are not a 4 yr old constantly interrupting your mother or jumping on the sofa so everyone will look at you. You don't want people to look at you and shrug you off as an attention seeker, you want help and support. And right now, that is the only way you know how to yell for it.
Sure, once we have calmed down, we can go in for therapy and learn all the lingo: "dissociative", "borderline", "depersonalization", "coping skills", "contract for safety". Sure, we can learn all the catchy phrases, and we'll be able to talk to the pdoc like an old pro. But for now, you work with what you have. And unfortunately, the English language doesn't have a better phrase than the old worn out, "they're just doing it for attention".
Sorry I rambled. It's just that one time, I was so upset when I came to in the ER from a failed sui*&de attempt, because I overheard the doctor say to just ignore me because I didn't take a lethal dose of the drugs, so I was just doing it for attention. I just laid there and cried. No one understood, not even a doctor, how much I hurt. And that hurt even worse.
Do what you have to do until you get the help and support you need. Please, without hurting yourself or others. Take care, sorry I rambled. -denise
American by birth, Northerner by the grace of God.
The South didn't lose, they gave up ...
Get over it, the South ain't gonna rise again.
Proud to be a West Virginia Yankee.
WV Yankee....That is an awesome way of describing needing support and not just "crying for attention" like a small child would. I have never heard it described the way. I have had people claim that I just wanted attention or was over-reacting to my problems and the reality is that they have no idea what I was and am really going through! I am sorry that you had to hear that doctor say those words when you were in the hospital! I hope that you have received the help you need. If you need anyone to talk to or sometimes just to vent...we all are here on Healingwell. It really helps me to post and get replies and realize that we are not the only ones going through this mess! I wish you luck and I hope that you can find the support you need!
Els, Thank you for the welcome :)
Your right about not going as far as them not having any coping skills.. that really isn't the way I wanted it to come out but you did a good job explaining it anyhow :)
Also in regards of having a rough childhood..I can relate; all I wanted to do is die so I could hurt those people who hurt me the most which were my own family.
There comes a time when your shoulders just ain't wide enough for support..
Someone talked about a doctor and how she was treated. I think that is friggen awful! Yet, it happends all too often because they don't feel treatened by their work. I have found alot of them don't have respect or empathy with these kinds of illnesses.
I know it first hand.. I've been to the hospitals treatning suicide a few times just so I could get help in treatments.. that didn't even work. They sent me home basicly saying they didn't believe I would go thru with it.
The worst part is being an "empath" and feeling what they are thinking basicly.. it just gets more frustrating to see right thru some of them fakes!
Your right about not going as far as them not having any coping skills.. that really isn't the way I wanted it to come out but you did a good job explaining it anyhow :)
Also in regards of having a rough childhood..I can relate; all I wanted to do is die so I could hurt those people who hurt me the most which were my own family.
There comes a time when your shoulders just ain't wide enough for support..
Someone talked about a doctor and how she was treated. I think that is friggen awful! Yet, it happends all too often because they don't feel treatened by their work. I have found alot of them don't have respect or empathy with these kinds of illnesses.
I know it first hand.. I've been to the hospitals treatning suicide a few times just so I could get help in treatments.. that didn't even work. They sent me home basicly saying they didn't believe I would go thru with it.
The worst part is being an "empath" and feeling what they are thinking basicly.. it just gets more frustrating to see right thru some of them fakes!
Hey Souls...I completely understand what you mean. I spent a lot of years working in the psychiatric field and often would have to take my clients to the ER with failed suicide attempts or even because they were threatening it. The local hospital here has a specialised psych ward and most times they would be admitted or taken to neighboring town to the long term psych hospital. But either way none of the hospital staff or doctors had any empathy for the people who were in obvious distress. The reason for this is very simple...they are there to save lives and here you have someone who is trying to take their own. In the medical field there is not much sympathy for someone who attempts suicide. This attitude from them would anger me as I cared greatly about the health and welfare for my clients and not to mention but they were severely mentally ill.
But I just wanted you to know that I do understand what you were trying to say before. I too have felt these feelings and lived thought a rough childhood and have had to fight for every bit of sanity that I have now. The person that hurt me for so many years is not our lives and has not been for a very long time but he continues to take up residence in my mind (in a very small part) that I reserve for the child in me. If this makes any sense. I have those thoughts and feels when extremely upset but I have never acted on it, as I know it would hurt my mother greatly. But most of all I dont act on them because I dont want to give him (even though he would never know it) the power back.
The person that hurt me for so many years is not our lives and has not been for a very long time but he continues to take up residence in my mind (in a very small part) that I reserve for the child in me. If this makes any sense. I have those thoughts and feels when extremely upset but I have never acted on it, as I know it would hurt my mother greatly. But most of all I dont act on them because I dont want to give him (even though he would never know it) the power back.I hope that you feeling better now.....take care
~elisha~
~elisha~
ways to help support healing well:
For one thing, I think I found a doctor who is running towards the problem and not away from it.. I think that's the very first step in my recovery.
Thanks Elisha, very well said.
Thanks Elisha, very well said.