Handling the "What if's"

Diseases & Conditions Breast Cancer
1
The room at the funeral home where my BIL is, is the same room that my mother was in 4 years ago. All I could think of while going through the visitation, was "I wonder if I am going to be the next one in our family here". I am soooo scared.I dont want to leave my little one. I know that we dont have any control over what happens in the future, but I'm just so worried.
 
Big Deep Breaths.
 
Chantry

There are no wrong turnings, only paths we did not know we were meant to take - Guy Gavriel Kay

2
Oh Chantry, I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this! You will NOT be the next in your family in there! Don't even think about that! You are here and you will take care of you son! Keep the faith, keep strong and know that any time you feel afraid or scared or just need to vent, WE ARE HERE!!!!!! We love and care about you and your family and will do all we can to help!

Love & biggggggggggggggg hugggggggggggggsssssssssss!

Laure'

The finger of God touches your life when you make a friend.
----Mary Dawson Hughes---

3
Chantry

I'm so sorry that you have had to go throuh all of this, and in such a small amount of time. I feel sor all that you are going through, but you are strong and will remain strong for that little cuttie of yours. She needs you to be there for all of the important things in life. That is what I think of when I get down, I think of my kids and the grandkids I will have some day.

We love you and will be here for you through everthing. Please keep your chin up and NEVER quit fighting.

Hugs:)
Bernadette

4
Thank you so much. Today was the funeral, and it was a tough day, but tomorrow is a new day and a new year.

Thank you Bernadette also for sharing your chemo journey with me and Kattbird. It was such a help having both of you around. I have 3 more taxols to do, and will be done (hopefully) on Feb 15. After that I'm not sure what I will be doing - rads or mastectomy - it depends on how my genetic testing comes back as. I hope your last chemo goes well, and that you go out and celebrate after!

Very Happy New Year,
Love,

chantry

There are no wrong turnings, only paths we did not know we were meant to take - Guy Gavriel Kay

5
Sorry you're having to go thru this. Hopefully 2006 will be better for all of us. I can kind of imagine how you are feeling about being the next one. I can't help think that myself for me. It's like, what happens now that I'm done, constantly worry that it may come back? Everyone here has been so kind and helpful and supportive.
6
Chantry

You have just 3 more Taxol? How many did you have all together? I will be done (hopefully) this week unless my Dr has some other plans for me. I know I will have a little time between Taxol and rads but not sure how much. You said that you might have a mast? I have not had the genetic testing but would like to. If I were positive I would opt for a mast too.

happy new year

Hugs:)
Bernadette

7
Chantry,
 
I know it's hard, but try not to think about things like that.  You are strong and your little one needs you, so don't give in to the negative feelings.  Once you are done with treatment, you will begin to have a different perspective.  This is something we've all been through, so it is completely normal.  We all handle it differently, but the basics are the same.  Remember this - a positive attitude is SO important!  Even my onc told me that.
 
Wishing us all a better 2006!

L & H,
Kathy

8
Well, started off the new year trying to decide if we should take DD to the hospital - she's had a cold for the past few days, and last night it was pretty bad. We called TeleHealth (an Ontario-run telephone help line for health questions), and the nurse gave us a few tips to help her breathe. The nurse didnt think that she needed to go to the hospital since she didnt have a fever, just alot of congestion. So you are all right - she does need me. Thanks. Sometimes its hard not to feel totally overwhelmed by negative feelings. I'm not like that usually, but the situation this past week was very emotional, and well, I guess we cant be positive all the time.

Bernadette - I had 4 AC and then will have 4 taxols in total. I think that we are a little bit behind the US up here in terms of personalizing regiments. Basically, every woman who is early stage gets either 6 CEF, or 4 AC and 4 Taxol. Thats why this site has been such a help to me - I can get info on treatments that are standard in the states, but that may not be up here in canada.

Again, big big BIG thanks to everyone here for the help you've given me throughout this past year.

Lots of Love and hugs,

Chantry

There are no wrong turnings, only paths we did not know we were meant to take - Guy Gavriel Kay

9
I remember those days as if they were yesterday.  I was 36 at dx, and my children were in Jr. High.  I remember sitting in my daughter's 8th grade graduation ceremony, hot flashing like crazy, wearing that ridiculous wig, and looking around at all those other mothers in the room.  I knew none of them were wondering if they were going to make it to high school graduation.  I had another daughter a year younger, and I was wondering if I would even make it to see HER 8th grade graduation.  I was on the verge of tears the whole night, not from the joy of watching my daughter grow up, but from jealousy of those other moms who hadn't a care in the world, and from fear that this might be the last "special occasion" I would attend for my kids.  I was totally miserable.
 
As it happened, I made the next 8th grade graduation, and I made both high school graduations, too.  I'm still waiting for the college graduations, but that is because my girls are taking their sweet time about finishing school! 
 
I've also seen my first grandbaby born, buried my father and my best friend, and made it a point to enjoy whatever life I have left as much as possible. Now when those special occasions come along, I try to remember to celebrate the fact that I am still here to enjoy them, rather than sit on my pity potty because I may not make the next one.
 
My words of wisdom are these:  You could be hit by a bus tomorrow and be just as dead.  Think of all the time you would have wasted worrying about cancer killing you if that were to happen!  Don't give cancer one more minute of your life than you have to.
 
Love and hugs...
BEV  
10

Chantry0

((((((HUGS)))))

I spent a lot of time trying to stop the "what-ifs" and had set a goal for myself to go one whole day without even thinking about breast cancer. Since I log into here each day, that goal was not a realistic one, and I reframed it. Instead of trying to stifle the thoughts or "not think about it", I changed how I thought and what I did with the thoughts. 

You have been treated for breast cancer and there is no way to deny it. It is a part of you now, but it does not have to be a bad part and it does not have to take over your life for one second.  When I was willing to let it be a part of me, my anxiety lessened and the fear was less, as I was back in control. 

I can't tell you how I did it, but I can tell you it took a long time, and that life after cancer treatment is different...it takes a new adjustment and an understanding that there will be some good times and some hard times along the way.  For me, the key was to stop fighting the thoughts....but to let them happen and let them be with me, not taking over me.

Hugs,

Lori

11

Chantry: I agree what what everyone else has said. Having bc is the pits. We can't help, esp right after diagnosis, thinking about the "what-if's". That is only human nature. But, once you are finished w/ your treatments, and you begin to get your strength back, your attitude will be completely different. My youngest dd graduated from college 3 days after my mastectomy. I was unable to attend her graduation but she knew that I was there and how proud of her I was. Then 4 weeks later she got married to her hs sweetheart. Now talk about feeling like you were being stared at. It was to soon to wear a prothesis as I had not completely healed. Thank goodness I had delayed my chemo for the week following wedding. But I still felt that everyone was looking to see the "one boobed mother of the bride"! I also worried about my granddaughter. I had raised her since she was an infant. That was 5 yrs ago and I am still here. I have seen 2 granddaughters being born and one grandson. I have seen my dd and sil build a new home. So, hang in there. Don't let the cancer control you. Make jokes when you can and laugh as much as possible. You are a SURVIVOR!

Hugs...Deb

PS..if you dd gets really congested again. Close your bathroom door and turn the shower on hot. Let the steam buildup and then go in and sit w/ her for a little while. It works!

 

12
Bev, you hit the nail right on the head!! I can (and I hate using this word, but...) TOTALLY relate! I went to a play group with a bunch of other mothers, and those same thoughts were going through my mind. I know that i shouldnt be so negative, and usually I'm not, but this last week took a toll, and when you are staring death in the face, and then dealing with your own mortaility, emotions can get a little raw.

Thanks Lori for your words of wisdom too. I keep thinking that the worst is behind me (well, almost - 2 more taxol to go), and so when I hit that wall of emotion, it always takes me by surprise. I've read that once you've finished treatment, there are new emotional adjustments to go through - like those that Kattbird is dealing with. I just want it to be over, but it never,ever will. And I find that very depressing. Always keeping one eye out for anything that may be wrong. Yuck. But then I bounce back, and try to go about things normally.

Deb - i'm sure you looked stunning at your daughters wedding!Thank you too. Everyone here is an amazing help to me. thank you all for sharing your stories and personal experiences. This site is a life line to me.
And we've been doing th eshower thing for the past couple of nights and it is working. We also jacked up her matress to help her breathe. Hopefully by this weekend she'll be back to her old self!

Thanks everyone,
Love and hugs
Chantry

There are no wrong turnings, only paths we did not know we were meant to take - Guy Gavriel Kay

13
Stop the what ifs. It takes too much valuable time. I am sorry about your losses and hope 2006 can be a year of healing and better health.

L & H
Candy

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: if one falls down, his friend can help him up.  Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
 

14
Thanks Mageezy. If this works, why are we not seeing it published in world headlines and radically changing the face of oncology?

I'm so happy to have this knowledge now and can't wait for your further details.
Lori

15

I am NOT adverse to alternative meds/treatments. But, I have a problem w/ the above mentioned website. After visiting it and reading about it's author, I don't see where he has any medical background or training. I was surprised to see that he is from the town where I live. But, remember, anyone can make a website and post any and all info. That doesn't mean that it is valid. I would caution any of you to do thorough research before taking any of the alternative meds/treatments. As Lori said, this is not making headlines or radically changing the face of oncology.

Deb

 

 

16
OK I cleared it. You girls are just too fast for me. LOL Hugs MK


17
Here is the link to the rules and guidelines.

  http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=46&m=106997

I think you will find several reasons for not "discussing alternative methods". You have come here as a stranger giving more or less medical advice which also causes "discussions which are very upsetting" to those who are virtually fighting for their lives with breast cancer. We have well over a hundred members, we have lost 30 very dear friends who have courageously fought this disease with every treatment you can imagine. If the door was open to anyone anywhere who wanted to discuss alternative methods it would mean anyone with some snake oil would be allowed to post.

Why did you post here? To discuss breast cancer? Or to pass along information that can be found googling or so you say.

MK


18
There is no reason for a private side bar with me. You certainly would not ever convince me about alternative treatments of any kind if you talked til you were blue in the face. I am not the one who wrote the rules and guidelines. This is a privately owned forum and the rules were made by the owners. And contrary to your thinking, it does upset those fighting for their life when someone comes up with an alternative treatment because we have been there and heard that and seen what happened. Thanks for your concern, tho. MK


19

Mageezy: I have to agree 1000% w/ what MK has said. This board is made up of members, all different ages, that are fighting breast cancer. Some are newly diagnosed and others have been fighting it for years. It is upsetting to have someone that has not personally had to fight this disease to come and imply that we aren't smart enough to decide what type of treatment we feel will help us stay alive. Each of us has done research to find the best treatment. We have asked the other members for their feedback and help and support. Each of us prays daily that there will be a cure found, not only for bc but for all types of cancer. I am delighted that those individuals you listed are alive and well today. But I am sure that you are aware that there are probably 10x more that chose that type of treatment that it did not help and are not alive.

I am sure that Peter, the administrator of this site, would be glad to email you the rules. MK moderates this site and makes sure that the rules that were set in place are kept. So please don't take a personal affront against her or any of the rest of us that reply to your post.

Deb

 

20
we have to put our trust in our doctors and God that they will give us the best treatment to help us through our journey.Alternative treatment takes awhile to work if it even does work,when i was diagnosed i was scared but then i wanted to hurry and get the chemo so it would kill the cancer cells.Mageezy i hope you never have to make that decision for yourself....Tammy