Hi, long time no see! I've posted on the Anxiety/Depression posts a while back, but lost my hard drive and the link! So I found it, and I'm back. This time... I think I'm depressed.
My life has been crapty, to sum it all up. Let me tell my story.
When I was in the fourth grade, my parents got divorced. This troubled me greatly. I didn't know what to think, nor what to do. A year later in Fifth grade my dad's mother died. I was very close to her because we would always go visit our family every holiday since I can remember. Time went on, I was in Sixth grade, and my Grandmother (my mom's mom) moved all the way from Oregon to Ohio to live with my mother, my brother and I. A year later, my Dad's dad died. I was close to him as well because we visited him too and he was someone I respected. Over the course of the next few years, my grandmother whom was living with us, got cancer. Finally when I was in 9th grade, she died after a long suffering in an end-of-life home. Sophomore year in highschool my Mom got cancer. I was so scared. She suffered so bad, taking chemo every week. I saw her each day laying on the couch in so much pain it made me hurt inside, deeply. She told me each week the doctor she was getting better. Stuff happened in my family and I moved in with my dad. I'm a Junior as this is happening, this happened last Sept. '04. I went over to my old house, my mom's house, to get some stuff, and she told me she had to go back to the hospital. I didn't know why but I gave her a hug. The next weekend she was moved out of the hospital into an end of life home. I went to see her but she couldn't talk or anything. This is my mom that I've lived with for 17 ****ing years laying in her deathbed. I was in disbelief, I had to of been. The next morning, this all in the span of 3 days, she died...at the age of 40. Recently I dropped out of school and i've lost all interest in my friends and my activities. Life is getting pretty bad for me, and I've even have had thoroughly thought of suicide. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck in life and I need some advice. I'm only 17 and I k now dropping out of school could in turn wreck my life later, but I am just not motivated to do anything anymore.
If you took the time to read this, I appreciate it. I anticipate comments - TY!
Hey break,
I understand what you are going through and you have every right to feel that way but you are right, you should not drop out of school because later in life you will need your education and all that is going to lead to is a bigger dose of depression and then you will really feel like committing suicide. We are all here for you and got got your back. Please try to hang in there. I know its hard. But if we all work together we can actually save each others lives. You are important to us and we want to see you back on the board more often so we can do our best to help you. I dont know what your religious beliefs are but please don't take a precious life-YOURS!
Hugs,
Depresedandlonly
I understand what you are going through and you have every right to feel that way but you are right, you should not drop out of school because later in life you will need your education and all that is going to lead to is a bigger dose of depression and then you will really feel like committing suicide. We are all here for you and got got your back. Please try to hang in there. I know its hard. But if we all work together we can actually save each others lives. You are important to us and we want to see you back on the board more often so we can do our best to help you. I dont know what your religious beliefs are but please don't take a precious life-YOURS!
Hugs,
Depresedandlonly
Hey Break.
You have been through so much! I am so sorry about your mom. And all your other losses. I can totally understand why you are feeling the way you are my friend! And we all understand as well! Life can really suck! Horribly! Then we suffer all sorts of aliments, anxiety, depression you name it we can feel it all.
My suggestion would be to find a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. This is talk therapy as well as facing fears. Slowly and at your own pace. Can be done with or without medication.
My father died 11 years ago, I am 33. I've lost both my Aunts to Cancer, my father as well. A close friend died recently of breast cancer, she was very young as well!! I DO know what this does to you, as it has made me think and think and feel as well. I know you probably have alot of fears of growing up and getting older, losing those around you...It is out of control! But with therapy it will help you CONTROL those thoughts and let you think without worrying and reacting. I know how crapty you feel. Don't give up! FIGHT this. You will come out of this even stronger!! You are strong now, even if you don't see it, YOU ARE!! And along the way you will learn more about yourself, and become a wiser person too! So please consider CBT therapy or talk to any professional. Keep posting here, we're all here for you.
Red09
You have been through so much! I am so sorry about your mom. And all your other losses. I can totally understand why you are feeling the way you are my friend! And we all understand as well! Life can really suck! Horribly! Then we suffer all sorts of aliments, anxiety, depression you name it we can feel it all.
My suggestion would be to find a therapist who specializes in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. This is talk therapy as well as facing fears. Slowly and at your own pace. Can be done with or without medication.
My father died 11 years ago, I am 33. I've lost both my Aunts to Cancer, my father as well. A close friend died recently of breast cancer, she was very young as well!! I DO know what this does to you, as it has made me think and think and feel as well. I know you probably have alot of fears of growing up and getting older, losing those around you...It is out of control! But with therapy it will help you CONTROL those thoughts and let you think without worrying and reacting. I know how crapty you feel. Don't give up! FIGHT this. You will come out of this even stronger!! You are strong now, even if you don't see it, YOU ARE!! And along the way you will learn more about yourself, and become a wiser person too! So please consider CBT therapy or talk to any professional. Keep posting here, we're all here for you.
Red09
Hi Break,
So so sorry to hear about all the tragedies that have fallen upon your shoulders. Being a teenager is difficult enough as it is and to add all of these life problems to that burden seems very cruel. But you are a survivor and you will continue to be a survivor, after all you've faced some of the hardest things life has to dish out. Now it's time to consentrate on you.
I too would suggest you finding a counselor that you can confide in and get some recommendations, advice and support from. Also some of teen/young adult forums might help. I find it much easier to write than talk. But either way, it's gotta be nice to have someone you can talk to, I'm sure.
Good luck to ya hun. And plz let us know how things are going for ya.
~Tina~
So so sorry to hear about all the tragedies that have fallen upon your shoulders. Being a teenager is difficult enough as it is and to add all of these life problems to that burden seems very cruel. But you are a survivor and you will continue to be a survivor, after all you've faced some of the hardest things life has to dish out. Now it's time to consentrate on you.
I too would suggest you finding a counselor that you can confide in and get some recommendations, advice and support from. Also some of teen/young adult forums might help. I find it much easier to write than talk. But either way, it's gotta be nice to have someone you can talk to, I'm sure.
Good luck to ya hun. And plz let us know how things are going for ya.
~Tina~
Grief for a loved one is the rock upon which the strongest of people founder. It's no surprise to me that you can't be bothered doing things that might have a payoff sometime in the future, when you are struggling so hard to cope with just now. Mother Nature has designed you to feel as if now is what matters, and it will be taking up all your time and energy and attention !
Advice is often only worth as much as you pay for it, but I think you've done an unusually smart thing in coming to this forum. So often the impulse is to pretend the hurt is not there, or to not ask for help because you just want to be alone. (Or maybe I was just very dysfunctional at your age ! 
)
Here, you can speak to people who know the flavour of the problem you are trying to cope with - not just a theoretical knowledge from training - and the help is more likely to be about your feelings and less likely to be about a PCP's favourite medication.
Well, for what it's worth, my advice is the same as the others. Go see a bereavement counsellor if you have such a service locally, or failing that go see a doctor to see what help is available. This is not something that you are likely to be able to cope with yourself - you will probably need either chemical or behavioural (but certainly in some form, emotional) help to win through this uphill challenge.
Best of luck, smart guy ! 
Greetings man, I feel ya. My grandmother, only grandparent I knew, lived with us and died on my 10th birthday. I realized then, we live, we die. This is the real deal. That said, it is up to us how we spend our lives, we are given choices, do we simply exist suspended in a perpetual state of negativity or do we CHOOSE to live in a healthy, happy and content state or at least strive for that. Of course loved ones dying hurts like HELL. Were your departed loved ones good people? What were some of the strengths and positive charactoristics of the ones you loved and lost. Focus on those beautiful points and embrace what you've learned from them. In this, you keep them alive forever. Share your life lessons with those more unfortunate than yourself. You are a great, strong and unique person. You have a certain quality, it is now up to you to let yourself heal and find the thing inside you that is good and pure and share it with everyone you meet. Death is part of life, it is the natural ebb and flow like the tide. There is a universal balance, you are learning this first hand and it is good(even if you can't feel it yet). Get your ass back to school, talk to a councelor about exactly what you brought to this forum. Don't give up on living. Finish what you start in life, school is cool. It will keep your mind occupied with positive things, make friends, fall in love, read good books, pray, smile, remember how to laugh. I am speaking for every person you've lost in your life, don't give up, live your life to the best of your abilities, make every moment count. Life is short tho some days seem l o n g.
I wish you all the best. You're gunna be alright, allow this to be. Peace
I wish you all the best. You're gunna be alright, allow this to be. Peace
Post Edited (joeboot) : 12/7/2004 3:58:30 PM (GMT-7)
Break,
I hope you are doing ok. It's incredibly hard to lose your mother at such a young age, for her and for you. And it sounds like you didn't really have enough warning.
you've gotten some excellent repliess here. But, you need a time to grieve and know that is normal. It would be better probably to be in school, but you should focus on being kind to yourself and others if they deserve it, thinking about the good times with your mother, and enjoying the family you still have with you.
Focus on what you have. And then cry like hell about your mom. It's hard hard hard. But I often remind myself about this or that, other people go through this, so can I. But I've used friends, therapists, l2-step programs, group therapy, ...could never get through life without help from loving people.
And I'm really glad this on line spot exists for some people to reach out and hug you and say, take care, and we're sorry you're hurting so bad. Janice33