Hi, everybody, I hope you all are doing well today, sounds like you are.
Well I'm down in it today. Been feeling blah for several days now, today is the worst of all. I couldn't even walk around the block today, was so out of breath and my muscles weak and burning. ******* great. 
I am crashing, and Sandra figured it out for me - I have reduced my welbutrin by 100mg for a week, going downhill since. also, my pdoc gave me samples of Abilify to take with all my others (totaling THREE stabilizers and an antipsychotic). Well, after one night I woke up vomiting and another mixed episode. So I threw them away. I did not call her. I don't take my own advice sometimes. I didn't really trust it to begin with but its the only med for BP I haven't tried. so now I read and hear it takes a couple of weeks of unpleasantness to work. So I called her for a prescription, I will brave it, it's better than this! I will be on the couch today, probably sleeping which is something NEVER EVER do! I hate it. i need a shower, but can't seem to drag my a** into it. I know i;ll feel better if i do. I will make myself do it at 11:30, that's how I deal with things, make a time and stick to it no matter what. I can forget about working out, I haven't for a couple of days now, I am worried about losing my muscle tone plus it affects my mood, but how can I when I get the typical BP depression that comes with a body made of lead. G****** BP. 
When I'm happy, Im glad I have it. When days like this happen I want to just end it. But I won't.
I am crashing, and Sandra figured it out for me - I have reduced my welbutrin by 100mg for a week, going downhill since. also, my pdoc gave me samples of Abilify to take with all my others (totaling THREE stabilizers and an antipsychotic). Well, after one night I woke up vomiting and another mixed episode. So I threw them away. I did not call her. I don't take my own advice sometimes. I didn't really trust it to begin with but its the only med for BP I haven't tried. so now I read and hear it takes a couple of weeks of unpleasantness to work. So I called her for a prescription, I will brave it, it's better than this! I will be on the couch today, probably sleeping which is something NEVER EVER do! I hate it. i need a shower, but can't seem to drag my a** into it. I know i;ll feel better if i do. I will make myself do it at 11:30, that's how I deal with things, make a time and stick to it no matter what. I can forget about working out, I haven't for a couple of days now, I am worried about losing my muscle tone plus it affects my mood, but how can I when I get the typical BP depression that comes with a body made of lead. G****** BP. When I'm happy, Im glad I have it. When days like this happen I want to just end it. But I won't. Thanks for listening to me whine and I won't be bothering you all again today. 
Shannon
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Sorry you're feeling so bad. Abilify makes me very tired in the beginning and apparently causes me some neck pain (although I"m not convinced thats normal), but I didn't have any vomiting. My Dr. said to eat with it. Believe it or not, as drug resistant as I am, evenI have to admit that Abilify worked a miracle for me. At least until I crashed and wimped out. Now I"m just waiting for the dr to call me back and tell me if all this neck pain is normal.
Hope you're feeling better soon hon. Take care, I'll be sending good thoughts your way.
Ellie
Hope you're feeling better soon hon. Take care, I'll be sending good thoughts your way.
Ellie
Shannon,
So sorry to hear that you're having a crappy day, but glad that you'll share with us and lighten the load a little.
The only thing that gets me through the poopy days are baby steps. I'm not very good at setting a schedule so I have to set baby goals. Like I don't force myself to completely jump in the shower, just start by washing my face or brushing my teeth. Some times it takes a few little victories, like combing your hair to get you psyched up to do the big stuff - like get dressed. I get so overwhelmed thinking about all the "stuff I should be doing" but really - there's nothing that can't wait until you're feeling a little better. Try making some tea or a bowl of cereal and don't even think about dishes. Just take care of you.
Just break it all down and realize that no matter how rotten you feel, its not your fault and its ok to lay low for the day and hide out.
Hope the day starts shaping up,
Putter
Shannon, oh gosh.... I don't even knoe what to say sweetie. i thought for sure you would start to rise above it's been like a week, right? So I figured you would prevail. Like you are the same as me or something, remember my lasted that long. I wish I could help ya. In your journal , do you remember anything that lead up to it, like some type of something. Remember how we talked about knowing the signs. Was it just the wellbutrin or was there something else? I really hate to see you still like this. You know all the stuff to do , but **** sometimes you just don't plain want to. One thing that did help me , whn I was down, was a hot shower and I cuddled with a pillow and blanket, and rest is all I knew. i normally keep in light in my house , however, when I feel like that , i make it dark. My mom thinks I would get more depressed bu I don't , rather it calms me. My mom , th insightful BP expert.lol She tries hard though. (((((((((((((((( Hugs)))))))))))))))), to ya. I sent ya mail, but **** now I feel bad telling my issues. REST, rest rest..... talk to ya after school. nickie
Wow, thanks you guys, it means a lot to get support from people who have been there.
Well, since I posted I have taken a shower, dried my hair put on makeup, got dressed, ate lunch, flossed and brushed teeth, vacuumed, swept, dusted and done a load of laundry. Still tired, but body wired. that's what happened last time before I had a mixed episode. I'm a little concerned, we'll see what happens. At least I feel some better, not sobbing like a baby like this morning. But I do NOT want to knock myself out with a bunch of Seroquel like i had to last time. I can't stand that. God, I am coming apart at the seams. Well, at least now that the main stuff is done, I can try to relax, you know how it is when you just can't relax because the house isn't in order and clean. I'm kind of anal that way, lol.
I think I'll stay away from any stores today, lol. I don't want to murder anyone. 
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Shannon
I am so sorry you're feeling down. D*** this disease! sometimes it just sucks the life right out of ya! and i definatly understand about the shower thing...it's second nature, until i feel like ****. as a matter of fact, last night was the first time since thursday that i took one (i know it's gross, but i just couldn't force myself to untill then) Largely contributed from help from the ppl here (of which you are one :) ) I'm glad that you can set a schedule and keep to it. i'm not quite there yet, but hope to be soon!
And whats this about being a bother??? (physician heal thysef) you aught to listen to the advice you give others (or what you've given me). its good to make contact when everything is allright.....it's even better (and to me, more benificial) to let it out when things are ****.
As far as the medication goes, i have been a guinepig so many times its not even funny. at one pt (early in my dx) i was on 9...yes 9...diffrent medications. and the stupid thing of it, half of them were to combat the side-affects of the other half. makes no sense to me!!
as far as the resting goes......go for it. you were telling me how important it is to take care of yourself.....well....taking some time to rest...sometime for you...is a good thing. so rest, try and relax and take care of you.
i truely hope you get to feeling better. that's the problem with BP....for me when i'm down i feel like i'll never make it up to see the light of day, and then i cycle round and realize once again the light side of things are good, i'm ok, and i hang on to that feeling for as long as i can. so just remember BP is a disease of cycles, and hopefully you'll be back on top soon.
take care
THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT, NOR THE STARS.................
MEL
I am so sorry you're feeling down. D*** this disease! sometimes it just sucks the life right out of ya! and i definatly understand about the shower thing...it's second nature, until i feel like ****. as a matter of fact, last night was the first time since thursday that i took one (i know it's gross, but i just couldn't force myself to untill then) Largely contributed from help from the ppl here (of which you are one :) ) I'm glad that you can set a schedule and keep to it. i'm not quite there yet, but hope to be soon!
And whats this about being a bother??? (physician heal thysef) you aught to listen to the advice you give others (or what you've given me). its good to make contact when everything is allright.....it's even better (and to me, more benificial) to let it out when things are ****.
As far as the medication goes, i have been a guinepig so many times its not even funny. at one pt (early in my dx) i was on 9...yes 9...diffrent medications. and the stupid thing of it, half of them were to combat the side-affects of the other half. makes no sense to me!!
as far as the resting goes......go for it. you were telling me how important it is to take care of yourself.....well....taking some time to rest...sometime for you...is a good thing. so rest, try and relax and take care of you.
i truely hope you get to feeling better. that's the problem with BP....for me when i'm down i feel like i'll never make it up to see the light of day, and then i cycle round and realize once again the light side of things are good, i'm ok, and i hang on to that feeling for as long as i can. so just remember BP is a disease of cycles, and hopefully you'll be back on top soon.
take care
THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT, NOR THE STARS.................
MEL
OK, Starlite, now you've gone and me cry again, i JUST put on my mascara!
I posted about 2 seconds before you did, I want to thank you soooo much for the kind words. yeah, sometimes i feel like a total hypocrite giving people advice, and then don't even think of it when I'm down in it. Oh, well, the nature of the best. Plus, when I joined here in May I was always telling people they needed to do whatever it takes to get stable, I was then and have been for about a year and a half. It does feel great, really great and then the bottom has fallen out from under me for the last about 2 months or so. Can't seem to get back right now, I hope it levels out after fall gets here or almost done.
anyway, thanks so much all of you mean the world to me, you're priceless!
Love,
shannon
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Hey Shannon. Sorry u arent feeling well! You know what u would say??? TAKE THE MEDiCATION! You can tough out the bad spots. I know its easy for me to say, but u know I am a guinnea pig w/meds also. Remember that is how they find the correct mix. I am frightened to see what the new pdoc will put me on!!! I hope the day gets better.
Love,
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years) Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed
Love,
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years) Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed
Colitis (5years) Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05 I AM IN REMISSION SINCE 2 DAYS AFTER I STARTED THE ENTOCORT EC!!!
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day
Prescription pre-natal vitamins w/iron. THE BEST..my hair stopped thinning and my nails are not spltting, also the iron is needed for my anemia
*******IT IS NICE TO BE IMPORTANT, BUT IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO BE NICE.
Hey Shannon. Sorry u arent feeling well! You know what u would say??? TAKE THE MEDiCATION! You can tough out the bad spots. I know its easy for me to say, but u know I am a guinnea pig w/meds also. Remember that is how they find the correct mix. I am frightened to see what the new pdoc will put me on!!! I hope the day gets better.
Love,
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years) Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed
Love,
Patti
Epilepsy (31 years) Keppra (300mg x 4 per day), Valium-myoclonic jerks PRN/as neeed
Colitis (5years) Donnatal, Entocort EC 3mg (3 a day, started 7/14/05, tapering to 2 a day 8/12/05) Probiotic VSL#3 began 8/17/05 I AM IN REMISSION SINCE 2 DAYS AFTER I STARTED THE ENTOCORT EC!!!
Infertility (20 years) in vitro fertilazation 3 times with no success/ Just a HUGE bill!!!!
Migraines/daily headaches (5 years) Fioricet
Bi-Polar (4 ever) Depakote
Restless leg syndrome (3 years) Neurontin 300mg 1per day
Prescription pre-natal vitamins w/iron. THE BEST..my hair stopped thinning and my nails are not spltting, also the iron is needed for my anemia
*******IT IS NICE TO BE IMPORTANT, BUT IT IS MORE IMPORTANT TO BE NICE.
Hey Shannon....didn't mean to make you cry ( unless it was a good cry)...then i'll take the credit :) j/k.....
just try and remember, the bottom hasn't fallen out..it's always there sometimes its just too dark to see it. here's hopin the sun comes out for you soon.
"hippocrite"...bad word in my vocab...i always used to call myself that, but you....it seems you have a genuine care for ppl (as do the other ppl i've met here)....just don't forget yourself. hippicrite....no...compationate and empathetic are words i would use
take care hon.....i really mean that....the sun will shine again
THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT, NOR THE STARS.................
MEL
just try and remember, the bottom hasn't fallen out..it's always there sometimes its just too dark to see it. here's hopin the sun comes out for you soon.
"hippocrite"...bad word in my vocab...i always used to call myself that, but you....it seems you have a genuine care for ppl (as do the other ppl i've met here)....just don't forget yourself. hippicrite....no...compationate and empathetic are words i would use
take care hon.....i really mean that....the sun will shine again
THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT, NOR THE STARS.................
MEL
Thank you, sweetie, I needed that! And yes, it was a good cry! Thank you for that.
Well, it seems that I am starting a nice hypomania going. I just worked out super hard, feeling too much adrenaline. God, what's the deal here! I am not going to take the Seroquel until tonight tho, after feeling that way just this a.m. no way am I going to drug myself so I can go right back. Huh uh. That's not the right thing to do, but I dont' really care right now. I feel a meanness coming on too, like if anything at all pissed me off it would be really bad. So I'm going to stay out of public, because that ALWAYS does it! Starlite, do you have an aversion to gonig into public? I do, in fact I am virtually a recluse - I have always been that way, really, but now that I don't work the only places I will go is the store (I make myself go daily just to get out for a short while), it's kind of a force myself to be normal thing. And I like going to the movies, but I have to have a certain row and the aisle seat, if we don't get that row and seat, we go to the next movie, we get there about 45 min early. How messed up is that???? But last time we went to the mall to just look around it was crowded and I had a panic attack, couldn't breathe and had to leave pronto. It sucks, I am paranoid that people are looking at me or have intent to harm me. I can't get past that one, for some reason. Like I said to you the other day I have many many personality issues, too. I am also borderline personality, avoidant, and slightly schitzo affective. Unfortunately, BP comes with many little bonus problems that aren't usually helped much with medicine. But, I don't do therapy because I would have to go every day for the rest of my life to get any better, so I'm glad my hubby loves me the way I am, he stays home with me pretty much every minute, but he goes shopping every once in a while for a few hours. (I HATE shopping!) Good thing, right, not spending any money, lol.
Ok, rambling again, can you tell I feel better! I could barely type much less think of anything to say this a.m.!
Thanks for posting hon, and how are you feeling? I know you got a shower, that's great. Still doing better? BTW I don't think I asked you what meds you're taking. I'm always interested in peoples cocktails, lol
Shannon
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key
Good grief, I know your last post was directed at starlite but I just had to jump in. It almost sounded like you were describing me. Are we all recluses? I don't even do movies. A trip to walmart is an ordeal and I don't do malls at all. You outta see me on a plane. I feel like I'm locked in a closet. Sorry to butt in. Just saw alot of similarities and had to comment. Glad you're feeling a little better. Hope you don't bounce too high.
Well Shannon, I see you have graduated to hypermode. lol Thank gosh, it's better than the other. i went to school, and it sucked. I wanted to pull my hair out scream and kick something. i have asked for a new kicking bag for Christmas. I have alot of hostility lately. Don't know what the deal is. Glad to see you are feeling better. Calm down in regards to the email you sent me. What goes around comes around, and who has to answer to the lies? And who does the questioning if ya follow. Much love Nickie
Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better! :)
yes, in the beginning i was agoriphobic (sp). couln't stand to even look oustide, much less open the door. from there it got much worse before it got better. i got to where i couldn't even form words to speak, and believed everyone could see into my mind, mix that with voices in my head telling me all sorts of things (which i won't go into cuz, well, it just hurts) and i was an absolute wreck!!! slowly but surely i started working my way out of it. i could sit on the porch (for just a little bit) then i could actually walk around the block. i saw it as such a triumph, the ppl around me just thought i was crazy. now, i can pretty much go in to public but not for extended periods of time. but sometimes i can get up and go just like nothings wrong.
i spend entirely too much time not just at home, but bymyself....not a good thing. i think i mentioned i live with my dad, but he goes to work before i'm up and then after he comes home, he's only up for a couple of hours and he goes to bed. i don't have a computer at home. the only one i have access to is at the library (which totally does not keep my hours!!) so if i flip in the middle of the night, i just ride it out the best i can. since i've found this site, i am going to try and get one. i know it will be a great help.
as far as the meds go i take 450mgs of Lithium 2X, 2mgs of ativan 3x, 200mgs of trazadone and 900mgs of seriquil at night. that's my cocktail, and for once i think they got it right ( for now atleast!) if i cycle hard on the downward slide sometimes i think differently.
but i keep hangin on the best i can......and after all......isn't that what all of us do???????????
keep takin care!
THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT, NOR THE STARS.................
MEL
yes, in the beginning i was agoriphobic (sp). couln't stand to even look oustide, much less open the door. from there it got much worse before it got better. i got to where i couldn't even form words to speak, and believed everyone could see into my mind, mix that with voices in my head telling me all sorts of things (which i won't go into cuz, well, it just hurts) and i was an absolute wreck!!! slowly but surely i started working my way out of it. i could sit on the porch (for just a little bit) then i could actually walk around the block. i saw it as such a triumph, the ppl around me just thought i was crazy. now, i can pretty much go in to public but not for extended periods of time. but sometimes i can get up and go just like nothings wrong.
i spend entirely too much time not just at home, but bymyself....not a good thing. i think i mentioned i live with my dad, but he goes to work before i'm up and then after he comes home, he's only up for a couple of hours and he goes to bed. i don't have a computer at home. the only one i have access to is at the library (which totally does not keep my hours!!) so if i flip in the middle of the night, i just ride it out the best i can. since i've found this site, i am going to try and get one. i know it will be a great help.
as far as the meds go i take 450mgs of Lithium 2X, 2mgs of ativan 3x, 200mgs of trazadone and 900mgs of seriquil at night. that's my cocktail, and for once i think they got it right ( for now atleast!) if i cycle hard on the downward slide sometimes i think differently.
but i keep hangin on the best i can......and after all......isn't that what all of us do???????????
keep takin care!
THE SKY IS NOT THE LIMIT, NOR THE STARS.................
MEL
Hey, Ellie, I think lots of us are that way, I'm not sure why but that's what I'm noticing. I think maybe it's sensory overload or something! And you're nevr "butting in!" Good grief girl! YOu should post more stuff on other people's threads, that's what they are for! 
LOL, Nickie have ya kicked your old bag all the way to the curb. I coudlnt' resist that one, lol. Maybe you need an interactive one that tries to kick you back, it's more fun to kick someone's ass whos fighting back, lolol! If it doens't exist, maybe we could patent one and get rich.
Yeah, i get your point. good one.
Variety is the spice of life, BP is the key