when it rains, it pours! Need advice, please!

Diseases & Conditions Lupus
1
Hey y'all,
I'm trying to keep my chin up, but this has been the worst week ever and I'm feeling liking I'm going into a full flare.  I haven't been this bad since last year at this time, so I really wonder if it's the weather but I also know the stress levels don't help.  To make a long story short, started of this week with my 17 year old having the flu, made my husband take him in so I didn't sit in a waiting room full of other sick people, they gave him Tamiflu and he's better now, but I still had to try and take care of him as well as myself.  Next, my 75-year-old dad called Thursday night to say he was going in for a heart catheritization Friday morning (nothing like telling me last minute) and that he would be fine and have my mom would call later in the afternoon.  Wrong, he needs a quadruple bypass or maybe 5 arteries.  Thing is, he lives in Wisconsin, I live in Mississippi.  He's meeting with his surgeon this Wednesday to find out when they will do it.  My guess being next Monday because they won't want to do it before the weekend.  My husband thinks I should be there, because he's been through it with his dad and knows how it can go.  I'm just worried that if I go up there and I'm not feeling well now, I will go into the worst flare ever!!  This sucks!!  I love my parents dearly and this is the time when I know things can start to get hard for them and I wan't to be there for them.  I have one sister and one brother - he lives in Colorado.  Sister lives in the area, but she also has issues at times.  My brother also suffers from joint inflammation, etc.  He's not sure if he can make it.  If I didn't feel like this, I would be there in a minute.  My mom is okay right now, but she has a tendency to internalize everything, and then she will self-medicate herself with anti-anxiety meds and becomes almost impossible to deal with.  What do I do?  I know I'm supposed to take care of me, but I'm worried what can happen and if I'm not there for my mom and my dad, how will they handle it.  It's the traveling part that you all know is the worst.  People who DON'T have health issues get stressed out and overly tired with the traveling.  We're in a whole new bracket.  Then, this may see minor, but we just had 4 new tires put on my son's truck Tuesday, he came home yesterday, said something was weird, my husband took it for a ride, and the whole tire fell of the vehicle!!  I'm just so thankful that he wasn't driving down the highway at 55 or more.  He could have been killed!!  So we had to deal with that last night and today as well.  It just never seems to end!!  Please keep me sane and grounded through this process with my dad and me not feeling well.   I may not get back on to the forum til Monday, but any advice is appreciated!!
 
Sufferin Again,
Lynnette
 
DX - sle and carpal tunnel syndrome
RX - too many meds to list right now
2
How would you eat an elephant?
One bite at a time.
suetoo

God knows, even if I don't....
CNS Lupus 2005, APS, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis
Meds: Plaquenil, Neurontin, Thyroid, Piroxicam, Aspirin, Atenolol and Norvasc, Prednisone 5mg daily and Paxil, Ambien every night.

3
Lynnette,
I guess what I find myself asking is what would wear me out more: travelling to be with my parents, or staying at home worrying:what if something goes wrong- would I regret not being there?

I went through a similar situation a while back when my grandfather was reaching his end.. My mom told me that he most likely wouldn't make it much longer so I should go with her and my dad to see him one last time and maybe stay until his funeral. I flipped back and forth on my decisions, knowing that not only would the trip itself be stressful, but the catching up with schoolwork when I got back would be as well. Ultimately I decided that I needed to go. Sure, it might have sent some symptoms flaring up for a while, but I just felt that I needed that closure. I knew that personally, I would probably cause myself more worry and stress and depression in the long run if I didn't go.

But that's still a pretty personal decision that ultimately you will know better than any of us on how you will handle the different situations.

I hope you're able to figure things out-- don't stress about the things that are already done with (like the tire- I understand that had to have been scary, but, everything is fine...so that shouldn't be adding to your stress right now), and like suetoo said, take things one "bite" at a time, and hopefully soon things will settle down!
4

Thanks guys for your responses!!  I talked to my dad on Saturday and I'm going to wait until he meets with his surgeon on Wednesday to make a decision.  I really think I will go, regardless, because I know how I would feel if I wasn't there.  Don't think I could live with the guilt if anything happens.  My husband has been such a huge support through it all and he said he would even take off of work and go with me if I felt it would help me get through it all.  I'll keep you posted.

Lynnette

5
Lynette,

I think you've made the right decision, even if it causes you to flare more. I lost my parents 5 years ago and was in a bad flare for the last couple of years of their lives but wouldn't take back the things I did for them, and even wish I had done more. Those days are precious to me and I think you'll say the same thing one of these days.

(((Hugs)))

Pat

SLE, fibro, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision, migraines, costocondritis.

plaquenil, neurontin, synthroid, triamterene, actonel, niaspan, lyrica, tri-est, cymbalta,

6

Hey Patty,

Thanks for your advice.  I'm waiting to talk to my parents later today after they meet with his surgeon.  I'll know more of how to help them best after today.  Thanks for all of your support.  Please keep my dad and mom in all of your prayers. 

Lynnette

7
Just wanted to see how things went. Hope you have less stress soon.

Dx:fibromyalgia 2002, systematic lupus 2005- definate CNS involvement dxed late 2005, psoriasis 2006, rheumatoid arthritis 2006, PTSD 2007, multiple allergies 2005, migraine, compression fractures T11 & T12, Sjögren's, damaged periphrial nerves 2007, exema
Tx: plaquenil, Enbrel, Tramadol, Singulair, Skelaxin, Baby Asprin, Imuran, Prilosec, lasix, Evoxac, Celebrex, Darvocet when things get too bad, prednisone again, various vitamin/mineral supplements, cozar
"Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible." T. E. Lawrence

8

Well, I talked to my dad yesterday after he met with his surgeon.  I guess they are only going to do 2 arteries for sure, possibly 3 so that's a positive thing.  It started out with doing 5.   He is scheduled to have the surgery next Thursday, which also makes me feel better because it must not be as serious as they first thought, because they would have had him in there sooner.  My dad's sister is a nurse and she had someone she knew run a credential check on the cardiac surgeon and the report came back with high remarks regarding his reputation.  Has never lost a patient yet.  I guess there was a big article written about him and my dad is going to send me a copy of it.   He doesn't want me to come up for the surgery, but suggested that I may be of better help when he gets home from the hospital - which I kind of agree.  My sister and my aunt will be there for my mom at the hospital.  He says they plan on him being in there 5-7 days.  I told him how I was feeling physically, but I would do anything for him or mom no matter what.  So after talking it over with my husband I plan to go up there the day he is released and help my mom and him get adjusted at home. Thank you all for your love and support.  I will keep you posted as things progress.

Hugs and angels,

Lynnette

9
Take care of yourself!!! When you go to your parents' house, remember that you should only do what you're body tells you to do. The last thing your parents want is for your visit to throw you into a huge flare. I find that taking a nap during busy times really does help. I'll be thinking about all of you on Thursday.

Hugs,

Pat

SLE, fibro, renauds, restless leg, hiatal hernia, double vision, migraines, costocondritis.

plaquenil, neurontin, synthroid, triamterene, actonel, niaspan, lyrica, tri-est, cymbalta,