I mostly mean emotionally and mentally. Why do people cling on to toxic thoughts and try to explore them for the sake of feeling mental pain? Or why do we look into something we know that is going to cause pain or intesity of depression?
Very interesting and great question! I often wonder this myself. I have suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life..and I feel that is what I am "used to". I am used to chaos, instability, uncertainty, poor impulse control, doubts about my abilities, etc. I am now taking medication (finally), but I still think the way I did when I was depressed. I try to improve my thinking by self help workbooks and counseling..still..it is very hard to change a way I have thought for 40 years. For example, when I am in the shower, I sometimes feel my thoughts start to race a bit..and the negative thinking comes along..it takes me a few minutes to tell myself to think more positive..it feels I am unaware I am having negative thoughts as I am so used to them. Now, that I am on medication..sometimes it is really weird to feel good..and then I wonder..I am feeling good..do I deserve to feel good..etc.
Rianna, I am right there with you, sister. I have to keep busy with mindless tasks or the demons of self-loathing start jabbing at me. I feel all those things you do. Just sit tight, the corrective thing will come sooner. Glad you are feeling better as of late. I hope you keep in mind that you will hit bumps and it might hurt a lot....