Hi There. New here. Been married for almost 6months and my husband is depressed...feels worthless, zones out while watching TV, does not want to be married anymore, misses work, does not have energy, has suicidal thoughts, lost interest in sex the list goes on. I feel so sad for him and alone as well. We have only been married 6 months yet it is so empty. What can I do to make his situation better? He wants a divorce, wants to be alone....I want to be a supportive spouse but I am so lost.
Thanks for listening. I needed someone to talk too.
My heart goes out to you. How tough this situation must be for you. Truthfully, there isn't a thing you can to do to help your husband unless he is willing. You might try compromising with him at this point. Six months is a short time to put into a marriage. Perhaps he would be willing to go to marriage counseling for a trail period, a time set by you and he together. Then, at the end of that trial, the both of you can sit down and re-evaluate your situation together. It is my guess that he will be able to make decisions more clearly. He might also benefit from personal counseling as well. Futher more, you may want to encourage him to see his family physician, who should be able to make the appropriate referrels. Encourage him, but try not to push too hard.
I think the feelings of loneliness and helplessness are normal in a situation like this. However, it probably won't be healthy for either of you if you focus entirely on your husband's health and neglect yourself. It's important that you continue working, living and doing the things you enjoy doing. Don't feel guilty, you are ultimately only responsible for yourself at this point. The rest is up to your husband. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Hi There. New here. Been married for almost 6months and my husband is depressed...feels worthless, zones out while watching TV, does not want to be married anymore, misses work, does not have energy, has suicidal thoughts, lost interest in sex the list goes on. I feel so sad for him and alone as well. We have only been married 6 months yet it is so empty. What can I do to make his situation better? He wants a divorce, wants to be alone....I want to be a supportive spouse but I am so lost.
Thanks for listening. I needed someone to talk too.
Flea Hey Flea. Sorry to hear what you are feeling. Must be really hard for you both. Please try and get him to see a therapist. Do cognitive behaviour therapy. It isn't him, it's the depression. he still loves you. He just feels so crappy. That is what this thing does. takes over minds and stuff. don't give up. Let him know you love him and are there for him. You aren't going anywhere. We are here to support you through this too. anytime you need to, post...we will reply and help you out!! Take care Red09
I know when I feel depressed I feel like a burden when I talk alot about my problems, even though my husband is very supportive & has not said anything that should make me feel this way. I'm guessing this is the way your husband probably feels right now. Depression is a lonley place, impossible to discribe really, and your husband probably feels guilty for feeling the way he does so close to the beginning of your new marriage. Do you think he wants a divorce because he doesn't want to bring you down, or are there other circumstances? My husband suffered from depression/anxiety for many years before I ever had a panic attack/depression. I was always supportive of him, but never really understood some of the things he would say until I felt that way myself. I agree with boo baby...it's important to support him, but don't wrap yourself up in his problems so much that your bring yourself down. Keep doing the things you enjoy, and going to work. Keep us posted.
Thank you for all your responses. It is such a HUGE help. I forgot to mention boo baby that he is seeing a Family and Marriage Therapist for about three weeks already..not helping though. His therapist told him that he may have a borderline personality disorder. I started seeing a therapist too last week. You are all right that I need to look after myself as well. It is so hard but I am managing and counting my blessings everday. Sometimes I fear that he will just runaway and never come back.
Today, he saw a psychiatrist for the first time. The doctor gave him a lot of meds....so now he is asleep.
Thanks for sharing your experience buddyblazer. I think he wants a divorce cause he does not want to bring me down. I am generally a happy bright person but in situations like this I tend to come down he's level. I say things like, I want to die too or I am tired of working and go to school etc.
Flea sorry about everything that is going on. It's a good sign that he is going to a Psy. Dr. and T. and good for you too. Try to hang in there for awhile if you can. It can take some meds 4 - 6 weeks before they really start doing what they are supposed to do. Everyone is right when they say don't forget to take care of yourself one thing I have found for me is that I need what I call ME time. No SO, no kids, no friends, nobody but me. It gives me time to really relax and forget about everything, if only just for awhile.
Good Luck, Keep smiling
Phyllis
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything
My husband quit and left his job on Monday and told me this Morning. THis is so so horrible! I too am on my wits ends...Now I am the breadwinner? I don't even know what to do with him....When we talked this morning he said that he wants to leave..like stay at a friends house or something for a while...I don't know. I thought yesterday would be a good start but bam! I get this news. Is this what depression is all about? Just lose so much hope that you won't care about your responsibilities? I have been supportive the last month or so but I don't know if being supportive is helping him. I think that seeing me just reminds him that I am a responsibility and he cannot take that.
Hey Flea. That really sucks. I feel for you. Guess he is more down and fed up and can't handle work. Don't give up on him. Research, find out everything you can about depression and how to handle it. Maybe he should join an online group too. (doesn't have to be here, since you are here and we are helping you..that's not fair for you...You need our help and advice to get you through this hard time.)
He has to keep up with therapy...It's a slow progress...Just love him and be there for him. Don't expect much, and know that he loves you...Just that right now the depression has taken over and is running his life. This isn't about you...Don't ever think that.
Flea, Sorry to hear about him quiting his job. Maybe you should try talking to his Psy Dr. and T., (I realize they can't give you any information) but maybe you could let them know how bad he really is in case there are other steps they can suggest. For me, it was the hospital, which I just got out of after 9 days. I was also told to go to out patient intensive daily therapy to also help me. There are alot of different options your husband just has to find the right one for him.
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything
At first I really didn't want to, I had already made my plans to end everything because I could not cope anymore. In the hospital they were able to change my meds, all of them, and watch me to see how I was doing with each change. I also had to attend therapy sessions, group and individual on a daily basis. I am doing so much better but my Psy dr. wants me to attend more daily therapy sessions on an outpatient basis. I don't know if it was just being able to totally get away or if it is from the change in meds but I do feel so much better, I'm still down but every once in a while I catch myself in a good, long over due laugh. I do know that since my meds were changed some of them have not taken their full effect so I am still waiting for that as well.
Phyllis
"The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything
I agree with everything Red had to say! I think if you can get him to see a CBT therapist and he wants to feel better that would help get him back on his feet. He may need some antidepresant meds in the meantime too.
My marriage has turned to the worse. My husband (who the psychiatrist diagnosed with bipolar) wants a divorce. We've only been married 6 months. He's 31 and I am 25. No kids for either of us. I feel numb, my eyes has been swollen from last nights crying...my husband does not want to take time till his meds works...he wants out of this responsibility and I am so lost.
Flea, I am so sorry you are facing this hard time in your life. Heartbreak is a devastating thing. I hope you won't blame yourself for this. Your husband has an illness and for whatever reasons, he feels that ending your marriage is the answer. I can feel your heartache, it's never easy when we know we are losing someone we love so dearly.
I encourage you too draw upon your support system right now; friends, family, etc. I also encourage you to think about seeing a therapist as well. This is not an easy time in your life and it may help to speak to someone who is impartial. Counseling can also provide you with a safe place to work through your feelings without fear of being judged.
It's okay to feel everything that you may be feeling, the grief, sadness, anger, disbelief. Don't deny yourself any of it, you're human. Try and take one day at a time for now. You will get through this!
Flea my heart goes out to you. Maybe he needs space. Divorce shouldn't be an option right now for either of you. I know you love him, I can feel your emotion in what you say and how you write. We are here for you anytime. He isn't thinking straight at all...Making decisions without thinking. Just try and support him, but don't give up. I know this is hard for you. Maybe think about talking to a therapist too? I dont know if that will help or not, but it wouldn't hurt..you need as much support through this too. Dep. is hard on him, but just as hard on you too! Hugs to you Red09
My husband and I have filed for divorce...it was final on Sept 7, 2004. Luckily I am still able to hold my head above water...it is not easy. I have crying episodes like today after watching a show...I have done what a loving, faithful commited wife could have but there was no impact...he could not be married, can't be a father or a husband....he is bipolar. I tried to encourage him to take meds, see a therapist before divorcing but there was nothing I can do. He told me that he can't bare the thought that I would be wasting my life with him (never knew why he felt that way..I was very supportive)..so divorce is the end result.
I just started my Nursing School (RN) and I have days that I can't study....this is such a hard phase in my life right now...a death of a relationship due to a mental illness that I had no control over
Flea, I am so sorry! Lots of hugs to you right now. Sounds like you're hurting and feelng alot of pain. Keep as busy as you can during the day, but still allow yourself time to grieve. Be good to yourself, concentrate on your new career. It is sad that this happened, but just know the love will always be there. He just couldn't be with anyone cuz of the way he feels about himself. It was not YOU, there is nothing wrong with you. I know you know this already but I am just telling you incase you need to hear it. Mental illness is so hard when it ruins a relationship. I"m glad it happened sooner rather than later, and good thing no kids.
All the best, keep posting we're here for you when you need it.
Hi Red09, Thanks for the comforting words. Daily I ask myself if I could have done anything...anything at all...but I know this was out of my hands. He was never happy about himself...so nothing could really make him happy in the long haul. I'll try to keep focused in my studies
i have 2 uncles with bipolar, and they both went through what your husbend went through, they are on Lithuim and it's working very well for them. please mention that drug to your husbend , my 2 uncles are so much better now , i think your husbend's desease is controlable and he may live a normal life. knowing that he can live a normal life i don't understand why should he ask for divorce but i feel there is something he is hiding from you.
if you love him don't give up on him... this is a very sad story :(